Judge, 1902-08-16 · page 11 of 16
Judge — August 16, 1902 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces: **Left side:** "A Memoir of the Brigadier" is a humorous short story (likely by Stanley Weyman, referenced in the text) mocking the romantic glorification of Napoleon's military. The unnamed narrator brags about his service under Napoleon, claiming exceptional bravery. The punchline involves Napoleon ordering him to sit on an open gunpowder can while smoking—a dangerous, absurd "test" that the narrator describes as heroic. The satire ridicules both pompous military nostalgia and the absurdity of blind obedience to authority. **Right side:** Advertisements for commercial products (Egyptian Deities cigarettes, Evans Ale, Chartreuse liqueur, Ed. Pinaud's hair products) with no apparent satirical content. **Top:** "Analects of Confucius" quotes appear to be filler content—moral aphorisms unrelated to satire. The page is primarily a satirical story wrapped around period advertisements. The humor targets inflated military pride and the willingness to perform dangerous acts for glory.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ANALECTS OF CONFUCIUS. se P VIL with kindness,” some have said. feet wrong with justice,”” And, for the kindness that is shown to you, Some other kindness do not fail to do. He who is no way anxious for the morrow Will soon enough arrive at grievous sorrow. The good man wishes most no wrong to do, Others spend all their time in watching you. * requite"— I should say is right; The thing you would not have your neighbor do, Should, unto others, not be done by you The king of Ts'i his thousand teams of four Could every day bring up before his door Yet all his acts were plainly understood, And no one of his people called him good. Peh-i and Shuh-ts'i—very poor were they! Yet they are worshiped even to this day. Those very wise, and those who nothing know, Will stay through all their lives exactly so. Follow not rebels some eat stake to make— But follow those who this vile world forsake. Faults that some noble man has not outrun Are like eclipses of the moon and sun— When he is When he right his shrewd advice all prize ng the world the wrong espies; A MEMOIR OF THE BRIGADIER. A FOI, mes enfants! Now that Stanley Weyman is not about I shall tell you of the adventure that “Aha! I think this face is fa- made the great Napoleon say to me, miliar to me!" office, your grandsire—— Familiar! Indeed! And so_ it| there w But hold! I progress with too. was. trating smile, that man! through me yet. He said, Did I not—but why reveal all It sticks much advancement. In those days there was none who could sit a horse straighter, or swing a sabre better, or hold his tongue firmer than I. 1 am not one that is given to vain blustering, and never was a braggart, but you may believe me when I say that in all the armies of Napoleon there was never a brigadier with such mustaches or courage as the man who honored you by becoming the father of your mother. Yet, enough! To the story. It was a fine morning in June when Napoleon came to inspect our garrison, which lay well out on the road to—But, no, I will not tell where it lay now. For that, my children, would be revealing some- thing which the great Napoleon took good pains to conceal. He came to our garrison and inspected us. And a brave sight we were, too. For I was in the ranks. Ah, if you could but have seen how I sat my horse that morning! But you were born too late! Napoleon let his eyes run coldly over our faces, then turned to our colonel and said, “What a fine brigade it would be, if they were all like one man I observe in the ranks!” 1 do not deny that I blushed at feeling the gaze of the brigade resting upon me. But I kept my eyes to the front. ‘Who is the bravest man in the brigade?” asked the little corporal. Then, my children, it would have thrilled your hearts to have seen my colonel wave his sword toward me and pronounce my name. Napoleon came toward me and smiled.. Sacre bleu! He had a pene- the secrets of those days now, to children who will not understand? “And so you are brave, eh?" he asked. | “Yes, "I made answer, | drawing myself up all the straighter and holding my sabre at salute. “And how brave are you?" he went on. “As brave as you like,” I re- plied. i “So? Bring a can’ of gunpow- der,” he ordered. It was brought. “Open it.” It was opened. “Sit on it and smoke,” he said to me. | And I sat upon the can of powder and struck my match against it and lit my pipe, and blew ringlets of| smoke into the clear air. The little corporal stood and smiled. The brig- ade stood and marveled. It was a time—a place—a moment to inspire one to grand deeds. And your grand-| sire was a man of inspiration—a man of the time—a man of the moment. What was the mere act of smoking on an-open can of powder to a man of bravery? Nothing. Pouf! A mere bagatelle. What? I, who had fought with kings and had killed noblemen in defense of queens? I, who had won ‘and worn the laur.. as the bravest of my brigade, to stop at that, and nothing more? Not I. The idea came to me with a flash. Turing the bowl of my pipe up, I knocked the glowing coals into the can of powder! * * * . To your beds, mes enfants! It is very hard to finish these stories| properly! , D. wesarr. No better Turkish Cigarette can be made Egyptian Deities Cork Tips as well came?" third floor. “What was the cause of ‘that awful racket. in your office just before you asked one of the tenants on the “You know that xe came yesterday to begin the. study of law wie me?" said the other. 3 Wai, Fthought he cpt as well begin at the bottom, and I tol he came down this morning the first thing for him to do would be to clean out the found half a dozen fellows iting for me, but he did it, all right.""—Chicago Tribune. preven ung cowboy that him that when 110 THIS SIGNATURE APPEARS TWICE ON THE LABEL OP FA Evans Ale First in Progress... 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St. nee York. 5 In how ANDER” “Such carelessness is little short of Price-Price, Oh, doctor!" sobbed Mrs. Sassicty irl, “do you blame me You should know better than to leave it alone in the care Eight Trains Daily for Chicago-NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com