Judge, 1902-08-16 · page 10 of 16
Judge — August 16, 1902 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge (a 19th-century satirical publication) contains several short humorous pieces mocking human behavior and logic: **"A Sidewalk Philosopher"** jokes that a man obsessively reads Judge advertisements on fences, claiming this makes him wise—satirizing both advertising culture and self-delusion about intellectual pursuits. **"A Scientific Test"** presents a doctor's daughter who believes spelling "cat" correctly proves her brain isn't injured, mocking flawed reasoning about intelligence. **"Sapient Suggestion"** ridicules an impractical senator's solution to volcano problems: simply "turn the canal into the volcano"—absurdist political satire. **"The Two John Smiths"** darkly jokes that stealing one chicken gets you jailed, but organizing a massive illegal chicken trust makes you wealthy enough to donate a library to that jail—satire of how the wealthy escape consequences while the poor face harsh punishment. **"Behaved Well"** observes that the daughter behaved properly only because she hadn't yet become acquainted with the hosts—cynical commentary on social hypocrisy. The page exemplifies Judge's style: short, punchy jokes targeting human vanity, political incompetence, and social corruption.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A SIDEWALK PHILOSOPHER. "EN as I sce the ostrich feed Up high as well as low, t ‘The poster on the way I read As down the street I go. T run my nose along the fence, And from the spot ne'er budge Until I've read with joy intense The funny stuff in Jupce. Although I stoop or though I stretch Until I split in half, I gather in the joke and sketch That makes me shake and laugh. And so T say, Hurrah for me! A man of common sense, ‘That gathers such philosophy For nothing on the fence.” A SCIENTIFIC TEST. PHYSICIAN'S little daughter, who had given her head a hard thump on the sidewalk, cried out to her mother, “Oh, mamma! I did knock my head so hard; but"—feeling the pretty member over carefully—* I don’t think my brain ’s hurt, because I tried it, and I can spell c-a-t, cat; c-a-t, cat—and c-a-t does spell cat, don’t it?) I'm sure my brain ‘s all right.” A WARNING. SAPIENT SUGGESTION. Mosqurro—"' Strike, if you will, cruel man! But my blood will be on your head.” 46] F WE dig this canal across the isthmus,” inquires the erudite senator, “what will we do when a volcano begins erupting THE TWO JOHN SMITHS. alongside the right of way ?” IOHN SMITH number one stole one chicken, He was sent to jail for “Turn the canal into the voléano,” suggests the practical thirty days. senator. While there he reformed and became another man. He beccme John Smith number two. John Smith number two organ- ized a chicken trust, took two mil- lion chickens as his fee for organizing it, and sold the chickens when the market was at its highest. Thus he was enabled: to endow the jail with a library. This goes to show that if we ponder properly over our misdeeds we will readily see where we did not make them big enough. BEHAVED WELL. Mother (to small daughter, who has accompanied her on a visit to newly-made friends) —" Ethel, you certainly behaved well while we were at Mrs. B.'s.” Ethel (nonchalantly)—« It was because I wasn't acquainted.” OILING UP. “How ugly Ticker looks! He must have been dabbling in ‘oll. “Yes; he’s just taken down his lawn-mower for the season." comicbooks.com