Judge — December 28, 1901 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BROWN’'S BUR- GLAR- ALARM. BROWNS wife firmly con- that every vinces J burglar in the United St designs upon the Brown domicile. She was always es had waking up in the middle of the night imagining she heard some one moving about down stairs When that hap pened she couldn't rest. until Brown had made a com plete tour of the house and exam ined every door and window fastening. turally Brown got tired of this. He tried to talk his wife out of her foolish fears, but —well, you know what women are, At last he bought a burglar. alarm—one of the kind that ri gs a big gong whenever any one tries to enter your house during the night. He brought it home and ex- plained itall to his wife—how this part fastens to the window, this one to the door, ete When he got to the gong part she wanted to know if that couldn't be left out. “Leave it out?” exclaimed Brown “Why, that's the principal part — the part that tells you when burglars are trying to yet into the house. It wouldn't be an alarm without that.” “Well, 1 won't have it; that’s all,” said Mrs. Brown, Now, of course, that settled the mat- ter, and there was no use rguing any fur- ther; but Brown, be- ing a mere man, wanted to know why she wouldn't have it “Why, you silly fully, “can't you see that that awful gong Wscorn- Erne.—" What would you call unthinki Harowo, ing bravery. Cterk—" Why—er Mr. Jones—"'Oh, I'd pare myself for THE HEIGHT OF IT. bravery?" PREPARING HIMSELF. Mr. Jones—** Let me see the worst-looking neckties you have in stock ¢ shock of my wife's Christmas gift. That is all. Thank you.” Well, if a chap should, acting upon the impulse of the moment, rush out into the street Christmas morning and stop a desperate runaway when his mother-in-law was these here are three for a quarter: these are a dollar a gross: these t want to buy. I simply want to know the worst at once. T want to pre- would be sure to wake the baby ? So Brown still spends half his nights looking tor im ginary bur- glars, as he did before. The burglar. alarm is for sale cheap. THE RARE OLD DAYS. Winn D. City —"Ah, there's Porkir Chi neers. Cal U. Mette “Indeed! Re- members the city on, one of 00'S pio- arly times, does he Winn D. City —* Should say so. Why, he recollects all about the old times when we used to ha ve two million inhabit- ants!" LONG GREEN. [ERE green Christe mas! that when There is no snow in view. like then Of the same Drile Hiant hy PASSING STRANGE. Faggles— What was pecu iar about the pair of money of slippers your wife made for you for Chri mas?" gles— She— What do ‘ou mean, sir, by kiss- sme in this man- ner?” He—Well, ch— you're the first girl ever kissed.” HIS HALLUCINA- TION. Ex: juryman — “There was one member of the jury who wasn’t’ quite right in his mind.” Friend—"You don’t mean it?” Ex -jur “That's a fact. He thought he knew what the experts were talking about.” OVE of money is never Platonic. comicbooks.com