Judge, 1900-10-27 · page 5 of 16
Judge — October 27, 1900 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces from an early 20th-century American humor magazine: **"Merited Severity"** (top): Professor Phil Ology pompously lectures against slang at breakfast, ironically *using* extensive slang throughout his own speech ("long suit," "dead level," "four flush," "quarter horse"). The satire mocks pretentious academics who condemn vernacular speech while being unable to avoid it themselves—exposing the hypocrisy of linguistic snobbery. **"Serenely Cold"** (middle): A married couple's brief exchange about trust in their relationship, with the wife's ice-related pun implying their marriage is emotionally frigid. **"His Mistake"** (bottom): A newlywed wife requests ten dollars, claiming she needs it to send to her mother for travel fare. The husband complies, only to realize she's using the money for her own purposes—a joke about marital deception and the bride's true priorities. All three pieces reflect early 1900s attitudes toward language, gender roles, and marriage dynamics.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MERITED SEVERITY. said Professor Phil Ology. during a dissertation at the breakfast -table the other mofning. “is not—in the language of the whist-shark—my ‘long suit.’ As an interesting subject of research it is slow, and it is so de- testably degrading an institution that all right-minded men and women ought tocut it out. Lam so positive of the fact that I may say —to quote the street-gamin —‘on the dead level" the disintegration of a language is always evidence that a nation is petering out. I constantly advise my classes to blow all corruptions of English and to freeze to the good, old-fashioned, dignified spiel of our forefathers. | A man that is be short in the think tank and he will be the sort of duck that in a pinch is always ready to take igo a sneak, posting himself as a rank quitter. f “It is true that the habit of slang will occasionally insidiously creep in= to one’s daily converse so that one will find one’s self unconsciously mixing argot with: one’s hot air and spilling corrupt con talk throughout every song and dance. As for me; I have long since passed up every word of slang that *held a base'—as the base-ball fan would remark — in my boyhood vocab- ulary. To think 1 can conscientiously say that in the last ten years no stiff has ever piped a game foot in my metrical gab.” The professcr vith was ata loss to addicted to the use of slang may generally oo ; saeerras ey fs ashboy be put down—as the poker-fiend would say |. ) He bitterk sadness —as a four flush.’ He may be received in- eee. , to good society, but it's ten-to-one shot he's cards he was not up a “quarter horse ‘—to adapt the patois of the SERENELY COLD. to any game what- turfman—when it comes to culture and be- Queriscen— Does your wife trust you in everything ?* aaa eee ing up on savoir faire. He will nearly always Newror—" Well, yes—bat it's kind of an ice-trust ! “es gut ws \ HIS MISTAKE. € you don’t give me ten dotlars I will go home to mother.” ere it is, pet! What do you want it for?” want to send it to mother to pay her fare here.” Mrs. Newiyweo— comicbooks.com