Judge, 1900-03-24 · page 5 of 16
Judge — March 24, 1900 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous sketches satirizing early 1900s domestic life and social pretensions. **"The Dream"** mocks sensationalist war reporting. The narrator dreams of exaggerated British military victories over Boers and Filipinos—contemporary conflicts—suggesting newspapers invented or distorted wartime news for dramatic effect. **"His Explanation"** jokes about tenant-landlord disputes. A renter complains about a leaking roof and gas smell to his janitor, who responds by pointing to the lease stating "Gas and water on every flat"—implying the tenant's complaints are contractually his own problem, not the landlord's responsibility. **"A Close Call"** depicts two women discussing a narrow escape from a pursuing hare, likely a hunting mishap. **"A Wonderful Woman"** satirizes female gossip, praising an aunt for *not* counting on her fingers (implying jealous calculation) when hearing of widow remarriages. The bottom section announces a satirical school teaching girls how to "fearlessly discharge the cook"—mocking contemporary proposals for "marriage preparation" education focused on managing household servants rather than genuine life skills.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE DREAM. TRUTH may be stranger than fice tion's spells, But a dream is strange as strange can be When it edits news from fields of war, ‘As it did last night for me. I thought I read in a press dispatch, Under head-lines red and stout, “The burly British have vanquished Boers, And Filipinos have petered out.” HIS EXPLANATION, LTHOUGH I'm not rich enough yet to tell my landlord what | A CLOSE CALL. think of him I'm not afraid of the Fixst Map MARcH WARE—" Hello! What's the Janitor whenimy temper iS) really a RG rerenprcien dog has been chas- up. ya in on hin ue roared e, and he came within a hare’s-breadth of catching out, “Look here! this house gives eS me the sl S I'm going to give it the shake.” The janitor took his pipe from his mouth, laid down the evening paper, and looked at me with a far- away expres- sion, as if he had never seen me before’ and was glad of it. 1 went on boldly, “The roof leaks so that, the water drips through the éil- ing, ‘takes the curl out of my wife's bang, rots the carpets, wak- ens the baby, and gets into my grog. And then thesmell! There is a horrible gas saturating every room, Do you keep a museum of relics of the war?” With a look fs oiieeee o Mr. Brows—" You used to aaa that Roston girh was a nice girl.” Mr, MucketT—"‘And I still say that she is an ice girl.’ janitor slowly rose, took me by the coat-sleeve, and gently led me to a printed no- tice affixed to the back of the door. Pointing with the stem of his pipe, he said calmly, “ Read that.” I read, “Gas and water on ev ery flat.” convon. A WONDERFUL WOMAN. Mr. Hoon—* Your aunt Almira is a remarkable woman.” Mrs. Hoon—" How so? Mr. Hoon—" Why, haven't you noticed that when she hears that a widow is to be married she doesn’t Ahonen P count on her fingers and then wag her head solemnly? Most remark- _— And all students will be taught how to fearlessly dis. A class in going through trousers-pockets will be a feature, able old lady I"have ever seen.” charge the cook. A SCHOOL TO PREPARE GIRLS FOR THE DUTIES OF MARRIED LIFE IS BEING PLANNED.—Daily paper. comicbooks.com