Judge — March 24, 1900 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE DREAM. TRUTH may be stranger than fice tion's spells, But a dream is strange as strange can be When it edits news from fields of war, ‘As it did last night for me. I thought I read in a press dispatch, Under head-lines red and stout, “The burly British have vanquished Boers, And Filipinos have petered out.” HIS EXPLANATION, LTHOUGH I'm not rich enough yet to tell my landlord what | A CLOSE CALL. think of him I'm not afraid of the Fixst Map MARcH WARE—" Hello! What's the Janitor whenimy temper iS) really a RG rerenprcien dog has been chas- up. ya in on hin ue roared e, and he came within a hare’s-breadth of catching out, “Look here! this house gives eS me the sl S I'm going to give it the shake.” The janitor took his pipe from his mouth, laid down the evening paper, and looked at me with a far- away expres- sion, as if he had never seen me before’ and was glad of it. 1 went on boldly, “The roof leaks so that, the water drips through the éil- ing, ‘takes the curl out of my wife's bang, rots the carpets, wak- ens the baby, and gets into my grog. And then thesmell! There is a horrible gas saturating every room, Do you keep a museum of relics of the war?” With a look fs oiieeee o Mr. Brows—" You used to aaa that Roston girh was a nice girl.” Mr, MucketT—"‘And I still say that she is an ice girl.’ janitor slowly rose, took me by the coat-sleeve, and gently led me to a printed no- tice affixed to the back of the door. Pointing with the stem of his pipe, he said calmly, “ Read that.” I read, “Gas and water on ev ery flat.” convon. A WONDERFUL WOMAN. Mr. Hoon—* Your aunt Almira is a remarkable woman.” Mrs. Hoon—" How so? Mr. Hoon—" Why, haven't you noticed that when she hears that a widow is to be married she doesn’t Ahonen P count on her fingers and then wag her head solemnly? Most remark- _— And all students will be taught how to fearlessly dis. A class in going through trousers-pockets will be a feature, able old lady I"have ever seen.” charge the cook. A SCHOOL TO PREPARE GIRLS FOR THE DUTIES OF MARRIED LIFE IS BEING PLANNED.—Daily paper. comicbooks.com