Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. TWAS the night before Christmas and all through the house Everybody was sleeping as still as a mouse. No stockings were hung and no presents prepared, No Christmas-tree ordered, but nobody cared ; Or at least no one seemed to be troubling himself, No turkeys were killed, no mince pies on the shelf— No bright-berried holly was wreathed on the wall, No mistletoe-bough had been hung in the hall. “Twas surely the night before Christmas, and yet Every one in the house seemed this fact to forget. But this happened in Norway, so nothing was wrong, For their night before Christmas is just six months long. CAROLYN WALLS. THE WORM TURNED. Mrs, Cobwigger—“ While it’s true that women wear men’s neckties, you surely couldn't expect me to appear In public in such a monstrosity as this Where in the world did you ever get such a tie?" Cobwigger —" My dear, that’s the one you bought for me last Christmas.” TOO BIG. SanTA CLaus—"* My goodness! I wish I hadn't taken the contract this year.” THE HANG OF IT. THE MODERN WAY. HE pawnbroker ‘s happy, WIEN Santa goes into a flat He smiles to the core ; With toys and picture-books He's reeking with visions He at the door removes his hat, Of ducats galore, Nor for the chimney looks, And shouts ** It is Christmas But glides on footsteps light and spry With perfect delight, As fast as e’er he can, “* And thousands will hang up And sends aloft his presents by Their stockings to-night.” The elevator-man. THE HORRIBLE AWAKENING. +e] T IS Christmas eve. Joy is coasting and frolicking on the frozen moon- beams. The retail stores, resplendent with gorgeous light, dazzle the eye with their opulence of luxury. The rich man on the street looks kindly on the son of want and quietly slips a dollar in his hand. The world was never so kind, never so generous, as this evening. The spirit of * Peace on earth’ unloosens the purse-strings of the lords of gold and the Christmas cheer that money buys becomes the property of all." But the paragraphic slave who was writing the foregoing got no further. The divine afflatus was forever dispelled by the cold and cruel world. His wife suddenly entered the room and asked him for ten cents for car-fare to go and spend the Christmas eve with her mother. THE REGULAR THING. Mas, CaTrersox —"' I wanted a sealskin cloak and I made my husband give it to me for a Christmas present early in the fall.” Mrs. Hatrerson —"* What did you do that for?” Mrs. Catrerson —* I knew he would have to give me something else for Christmas.” THE CHRISTMAS SOUP. seTHIS,” said Boarderby, jabbing disgustedly with his fork at the solitary oyster in his portion of the first course, “‘ might properly be termed the true Christmas spear it.” TOO MANY FOR HIM. Seldum Fedd—" Say, Soiled! Here's a conundrum for you—Why is a felier dat gits a cake p soap for Christmas like "—— Soiled Spooner—"Avw, you've got me faded, right now! What's COPYRONT 1899 BY JUOGE COMPANY OF REW YORK HIS DOOM PRONOUNCED. “Hey, Mickey! go out ind’ shed an’ bring d’ ax."