Judge, 1899-02-04 · page 5 of 16
Judge — February 4, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces reflecting early 20th-century American humor: **"At the Opera"** jokes that a sneeze (attributed to "the grip"—influenza) interrupts an opera performance, deflating its grandeur. **"English As She Is Spoke"** mocks dialectal speech of soldiers returning from camps and African American servants, presenting their grammatical errors as comic entertainment. Examples include malapropisms like "sawn you sooner" for "seen" and "do don't" as emphatic negation. This reflects period attitudes treating non-standard English as inherently humorous. **"Up-to-Date Journalism"** satirizes information overload, suggesting readers must consume multiple news bulletins constantly to stay informed. **"The Secret of the Phenomenon"** shows a professor X-raying a comically elongated horse, finding it stuffed with additional horse skeletons—visual absurdist humor about an impossibly long animal. The page exemplifies Judge's blend of social observation, linguistic humor, and visual gags targeting contemporary readers familiar with vaudeville, military references, and popular scientific curiosities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AT THE OPERA. AS MARGUERITE began her jew- el song, ‘And bravos trembled on each rapt- ured lip, Alas! came Faust upon the scene a ‘And sneezed—kerchoo! The devii had the grip. 4. u. Toomey. ENGLISH: AS SHE IS SPOKE. WE HEAR. many stories of the queer manner of speech of some of the volunteers who have been in the camps and in the field, but none expressed himself with more quaintness than the Indiana. + captain who called on a lady in Kentucky and apologized for his long absence by saying, “would have come to have sawn you sooner, but I had to went away.” It may be, however, that the negroes can excel all others in their capacity to say things odd- GD ly. A colored lad, a servant in V a house, was asked how he liked VR a young-lady visitor. “T like her right well,” ete STanbws “* Miss Jackson, it jes’ meks de cole chills run down mah back to see Said the boy. h & verne dem people skatin’ on dat thin ice. want you think she is GURGESIWORTD SERIE “Well, she ain’t ‘zackly pretty, but she'll dew well ‘nough whar dar ain’t no better at.” eee Gi Ape caan ee And so a negro woman, asking what time it was, was told it was six o'clock. “ Lan’ sakes! I A maiden like the edelwerss, 4 ‘ * She led me on until, alas! didn’t know it was so sune as dat.’ 1 fell into a deep crevasse. But the charming girl in South Carolina has a queer way of using the verb “to do.” It is said Come to my rescue! throw a rope! is hope. that when she wishes to protest forcibly to any proposition she makes this verb do double duty. For For while there's life there still rrateful e% fter, this instance, if a gallant gentleman asks to kiss her she says, “Oh, do don’t.” Pantin poneomeras: ike my watchs works. is Swiss. THE VERY REASON, UP-TO-DATE JOURNALISM. Ss PAPA." said Benny Bloobumper, “ why are days of grace allowed on a note?” “To avoid weeks of disgrace,” replied Mr, Bloobumper. Warwick— A man's got to do considerable reading in times like these to keep up with the news,” Wickwire—";That's right. I'm regularly taking in six different bulletins.”” Ine t 1 Ah flit ft iba THE SECRET OF THE PHENOMENON, Professor Stopanthink was very much surprised at the marvelous length of a horse: he saw on one of our streets the other day, and determined to make an X-ray photograph of the wonderful animal's bones for his next lecture. This is what he got. comicbooks.com