Judge — July 30, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SUMMER RULES AT BREEZETOP. rug is for cleaning muddy wheels. Children who bring their parents to the table with them will get a rebate on their bills. Our summer- flirtation accident policy protects the young and old. In the case of marriage the full amount will be paid at the conclu- sion of the bridal-tour. A special bachelors’ table will be one of our finest attractions. Ladies will be charged extra for seats at this table, unless they are very young or have money. ‘The music-room can be used for in-door tennis ‘on damp days, and the in- valids’ sun-parlor is open to the children at all hours. Young: men are especially requested never to wear anything but bicycle-clothes and golf-hose. This being the home of comfort, it will be extremely painful to see any one dressed in civilized attire. In past years there have been at this place flies, fleas and mosquitoes. We cannot promise all in ‘one season, but we strive to please. IT WORKED. Raccies—"* Dere’s only wun fault I hez ter find wid yer pie, mum.” Our vegetables are all raised on our own place. “ We ship them to the city, and after alll the good ones are sold we buy back the rest at reduced rates. In this way we economize and our guests get the benefits of low prices. Our rates are by the year. You may stay only three months, but we have got to live the other nine, and we depend on you. We will announce the meal hours when we get better acquainted with the cook, CATCHING THE OLD MAN. Little Clarence— Pa, which is the most important part of a cannon— the hole or the steel?” Mr, Callipers—“ The hole, I suppose. What use would a can- non be without a hole in it?” Little Clarence—" Hoh, pa! it is the steel that cuts the_ figure. How many Spaniards do you s‘pose you could kill with a hole with noth- ing around it?” VERY LIKELY. +S YVHAT tune, of all the patri- otic melodies just now so popular, do you think will become the great national air?” “Oh, ‘Dixie Doodle,’ in all probability.” this place !— —1'll just give him a reminder, for some things only — 1. THE RAM—** Think of the nerve of that thing to stand there with me in ‘hat’s that?” It's so blame good dat I’s afeard I won't be able ter eat common grub enny more,” Lapy—" Wait a moment, my good man, and I'll get you a lunch to take with you.” AND HAVE THE CITY AT HIS FEET. «#*QO YOU are confident,” remarked an admirer of the great Valeriano Weyler, “that with fifty thousand troops you could invade Amer- ica and in a week be in possession of the capitol at Washington? That would be quite an achievement; but I suppose you would take the craven enemy overwhelmingly by surprise—do all by one quick, blinding stroke.” “That would be my plan,” replied the distinguished general. “I would wait until the capitol police were asleep, then charge bravely through the bushes and tp the steps.” INSTRUCTIVE CONUN- DRUM. WHY is Junce like a wife? In vain your brain labors : Have one of your own And not borrow your neighbor's. THE NATURAL INCREASE. Waggles—“ He expects busi- ness to pick up as soon as‘the war is over.” JSaggles—" What business is he in?” Waggles—" Manufacturing bi- cycles for one-legged men.” 3. —learn by experience.” HE LEARNED SOMETHING. comicbooks.com