Judge — June 18, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KNEW BETTER. HIE sits before me at the theatre, And I can't see the actors, just for her. Shall I lose all my pleasure but for that, Or shall I beg her to take off her hat ? Alas! I dare not, no, upon my life, Because that thoughtless woman is my wife, PROVED HIMSELF A TRUE AMERICAN. ++ {A HOWLED the mob, here's a Spanish sympathizer, Up with him! He says Spain is invincible on the sea. “Ah, no, no, no!” chattered the victim. “I said invisible, FROM AN EXPERIENCED OBSERVER. ‘THIS job of mine is steady, and all that, but it can’t be called a snap,” remarked Sisyphus as he braced himself and gave the stone another shove. “But "—he drew a long breath and actually smiled for the first time in many millennia —“T'd rather work at it until the Styx freezes over than to be that man Sa- gasta, trying to push Spain along through war with- out money.” FORCIBLE TEACHING. Biel Burcu. ER called to see a friend and was admitted by a pert, disobliging maid. In telling his friend of the disrespect with which he had been treated Bill worked himself up intoa towering rage and concluded his complaint. with, “Next time I come to this house, if she behaves that way, Tl smash her face ; that'll teach her to recognize a gentle- man when she sees one.” A DOUBLE MEANING. him down.” WHAT PEOPLE /NTEND TO SAY, AND WHAT THEY DO SAY. Jupcr Briars—" See byar, Rubberneck Rube; how dare Easy Tuixcc—"* W'ot would youse do to a feller if he should insinuate dat youse wuz once behind de bars?” Roarinc Ranuit—"* Wa-al, dat would depend. If he meant ter insinuate dat I ever rode a bicycle I'd knock “+ Now what do you think of that? Just laid down for a quiet Sunday nap and along comes a brat of a newsboy with war extras, howling like an In- dian, Tl go right down and tell him if he doesn't shut up I'll break every bone in his body.” “Say, you young rascal! what do you mean by—— What's that— another sea-fight? Here's a dime; keep change. (Zo himself.) 1 tell you those little beggars earn every cent they get. A fellow can’t help feeling sorry for them.” “Can I believe my eyes? It is! Oh, John ! Bridget is just coming from church, and she has on a new dress made exactly like mine—the same oods too. I'm completely disgusted. verything she gets is like mine. I'll go this minute and tell her to get out ‘of my house and stay out.” r come inter this co't so un- ceremonious-like an’ interrup’ proceed- in's ?” Run cK Rupe —" Parding, jedge; but yer friend, ther’ proprietor of ther Red Dog booze- parlors, ‘lowed thet you mought loan him yer gavel. He wants ter use it ter open a keg o' lager fer aten- derfoot w’ot's treatin’ everybod JuDGE Briars— artin, Rube; an’ this co't's adjourned an bour.” (General exit.) RIGORS OF THE LYCEUM. oe HY don't you go to the north pole if you are so confident of your ability to get there 2” “Well, the truth of the matter is that I'm too diffident to go on the lecture- platform.” OMEN like animals for pets—especially men. “Bridget, I notice you have on a new dress, I'must say it looks quite well on you, I never saw you look better. I came down to tell you we will have dinner a little earlier, as we want to drive oat.” comicbooks.com