Judge — June 18, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suage WAR-GAGS. HAVE on hand a select assortment of war-ga ich we are willing to dispose of at ridiculously low figures. Read over the following catalogue and judge for yourselves : One—Congressional library was shut up for fear the magazines would blow up. Joke—screamingly funny. Original price twenty-five dollars. Our price three cents. ‘Two—Wind blew up the river, Indescribably amusing. A little frayed on the edges, but otherwise in good condition. Others charge filty- six dollars, Our price seven cents, ‘Three —One of our iron vessels went down with all hands on board. It was the Holland. Terribly fascinating. With explanatory foot-notes for folks that do not see things till next morning. Rather shop-worn, but good as new. Publishers’ price four dol- lars. Our price five cents. Four—Fleet of Spanish mackerel coming up the bay. Tran- scendentally idiotic. Rather dilapidated. Others charge bay- onets. Our price steen cents. Five—Caught a Spanish spy in the Continental hotel in the act of blowing up the speaking-tube, Awfully exhilarating. DLISSFULLY. IGNORANT. With gilt top and deckeledge cover. Original price thirty-six Kueren (at Sing Sing) "That convict isa dollars. Our price fifteen cents. strusty.” We can trust him at any kind of outside Six—Cantharides, or Spanish-fly witticisms, in select lots work and he won't try to run away. and tract form, For gratuitous distribution. Hace Oh on His mile bas tot divorce; Seven—Chinese steamer chased American cruiser to get in but he doesn’t know it.”* its wash. Quite new. Only one more copy left." No tickee no shirtee” de- sign on cover. Publishers’ price seventeen dollars. Our price same. Eight—The Spanish navy is at Cadiz —is at Cape Verde—is at Porto Rico—is coming — was last seen off Newfound- land — is chasing itself around Cape Horn, Ex- quisitely eccentric — the best joke of the season, Entirely new. Just out. Original price only ten dollars, ‘Ten per cent. and five per cent. off for spot cash, wanvay EXCEEDINGLY BRACING. Invalid (from the effete east)—" You say that if aman drinks plenty of the water here in Lime- stone Gulch he will treble in weight in a month. ‘That seems like a miracle. How does the water accomplish such wonderful results?” Nevada Ned —" \t petrifies em.” CONDITIONS NOT AXE-CEPTED. Livesay Lanoentr—" Madam, necesserty compels, me ter ax yer fer somethin’ ter eat Mas, PUNLY—""Axe the wood:pile first.” THAT STINGING TINGLE. + THE aris the only organ of hearing. Willie “Hub! [hit a stone with a split stick yes: terday and I heard it strike with my fingers.” POETIC JOY. LOSSOMS round the dove-cote Flotter all the day ; King-cups by the stone wall Light the grassy way. Daisies in the green mead Flash their silver stars. See the dandelions’ gold Round the pasture-bars. Bees around the rose-bush Drift in wanton glee, And the snowy cloud-ships Dimple o'er the lea. And the poet murmurs, x monuerrmice, mamma to get her new bicycle-tires muddy? Shame on you!” Standing on his he: = => © ‘The goat holds the mug aloft, A HEARTLESS CHILD. ‘And Pan ‘s not dead.” MaAuMA—"' Willie, hash up! I told you I couldn't carry you. The idea! Do you want your comicbooks.com