Judge — March 12, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uadge THIS IS ABOUT PEOPLE-IN-LAW. HEN you marry you may tell yourself that you are not marrying the family. But you are. Sooner or later you will cross swords with these domestic antagonists, your people-in-law, Your people-in-law are made of finer clay than you are. They regard you as a family annex, reprehensible at best. They have in their possession data connected with your past life against which any evidence that you might produce to the contrary would be valueless. Your children inherit their virtues from your people-in-law, and their vices from SINFUL. you. Whether these juvenile shortcom- First prcmarr—"'T've ings are physical, mental, moral, or spirit- jost gotten home from my ual, the inheritance is directly traceable to Brat Sop ne ane JL iell yon you. Are the children cross-eyed, or left- ed place I ever struck.” handed, or knock-kneed, or pigeon-toed, SECOND DeUMMER— or Club-footed? Are they deaf, dumb, “Yess they are tongue-tied, half-witted, or red-headed? about changing its arses Siosinath” Any of these defects are inherited from you. Your people-in-law always reflect with regret upon the fact that your life- partner made the mistake of se- lecting or accepting you when there were certain other EE brilliant matrimonial OCs opportunities A MISSING LINK. i that were Crawtzy—"' Yes, I'm a firm believer in the theory that at some time in the possible or past our spirits inhabited other bodies, and that we resemble to a certain extent tven proba. these other bodies and inherit their tastes. (7 waiter.) Dessert? Cocoanut- oP pie for me, please.” bleif you had not been so impetuous and so hasty, Then your people-in-law sigh and resign themselves toa bad bargain. You are the bad bargain. Are you a man? Then your people-in-law know all about your habits, They know how brutal you are. They know how you carouse about in summer when you send your wife out of town in order that you may enjoy perfect free dom. They have intimate friends residing in your neighborhood. Are you a woman? Then these people- in-law know how extravagant you are. They yy ow how much you pay for your mil- ss — f linery, and they recognize your made-over 1 tie SS RETURN. i gown on sight. They know how you neg- J. THE ROOSTER (lo the picture om sprinkler)— leclibe cicediog and ise badly poe eat *Good-morning, stranger. I hope you are well, — ig and how badly you make button-holes, They criticise your house- y f keeping and your embroidery and your A GREAT CHANCE MISSED. f 4 breakfast-hour. They feel so sorry for te] THINK the Sunday Horror has missed a great ; your poorcbushand: they"know bow, chance lately.” AN you neglect him when you leave him “Yes? To what do you refer?” y j alone in town all summer while “It has so far failed to print a life-size picture of Nae you go to the mountains. They the Klondike masqulio.” Sof know how frivolous you are. and f= they have their suspicions. They had friends boarding at the same hotel and they heard all about you. 11.— What! you ignore my courteous greeting? I'll Your people-in-law expect tear the gizzard out of you." to be invited to your dinner-par- ties, When they come they criticise. They always ex- press surprise at your selec- tion of friends, and they can readily understand the atti- tude and the number of your enemies. In the eyes of your peo- ple-in-law you are impossible In another and a better life, where there is neither marrying nor giving in mar- riage, there will be no peo- ple-in-law. MABYOT HOLT CAMoON. RECOMPENSE. First yRast-cake—"" Good-bye, old chap *-I'm go- ASH—A conglom- ing to work” SECOND YRAST-CAKR—‘'That’s a good resolve. erate boarding- 2 You're bound to raise the dough if you work.” house mystery. : TIT, —Gosh f 1 must have punctured an artery.” comicbooks.com