Judge — March 5, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae A LOAN ON TIME. GE sat on his knee and quite playfully toyed With the watch-chain he wore on his vest, And for a brief time he was quite overjoyed, For she was his dearest and best. But when she would glance at the watch she supposed Was safe on the end of his chain, His countenance promptly became cyanosed TO KUN THE OTHER Way. And his bosom was stricken with pain. Cure —" Here's a new pants-pat- tern that's just out. How do they strike But hurrah for his ready, reliable wit rar. (late of Sing Sing) And the tact oftentimes heaven-sent! sTomER (late of Sing Sing)— SSA wateh Gost oa , G04: “Ia fur ott toc, Show ine dure He marmured, "“A watch is not proper a bit pia’ in perpendicular stripes fer a change.” In the season when all time is Lent. LORAKA 8, SHELDON, HO IS? BOW: 1S "THIS A MODERN DIFFICULTY. NO JEHUS were known in the olden : ; la Anxious mother— Daughter, you look wretched. Felli tasl’GPile heave ani'fice I do wish you would go to dear Dr. Helen and see Vet Washington's famous because he took What she can do for you.” (A DAuIE at the cherry- tree: Daughter (who is a contemporary cf the new family physician) —" Well, 1 want to; but then, you Pearman see, I hate to give her the satisfaction of seeing me Kry—" Do : = : j EY—""Do you ever look through that key: NATURALLY. look like a perfect fright.” hote?” Writer—" That is a great scheme Door-kxou—"' No, sir; I'm above that sort of this Chicago man has of dividing up thing.” his autobiography.” HIS LOST OPPORTUNITY, Biter—* What is it?” Mr. Kidder—" Johnny, the angels brought you a 3 . Writer—" Instead of using chap- _ baby brother last night OH, HOW HE SUFFERS! ters he divides it off under the head- Little Johnny (shose nose is out of joint)—" Hub! 44] 1T true that your husband is a populist?” ings, * First wife," Second wife,“ Third Wish I'd been awake. I'd have pounded the stuffin’ No, it isn’t; he’s nothin’ but a plain, con wife,’ ‘ Fourth wife,’ etc.” out of them angels.” firmed, cranky rheumatist.” DRIVING A BARGAIN. SOUTHERN justice—"* Wa-al, Si, it’s vay evident yo' got drunk an’ set fire to the town-pump; an’ sicked yo'r dawg onto the temperance evan- gelist, an’ shot fo bullits into the ice-watah tank at the young men’s Christian ‘sociation, an’ I must consequentially find yo" guilty an’ fine yo’ three dollahs, sub.” PRISONER: jedge, I kin only say that I consider sech a fine ez that unconstitutional, an‘, by jiminy! I won't pay Justic that's on'y one dollah fo' each offense, an’ them’s regular wholesale prices; but s‘posen I call it two dollahs fo’ the lot? How's that?” Prisoner —* Wa.al, jedge, I kin on'y say that I consider a two-dollah fine as infringin’ on the * Missouri compromise,’ an’, by jiminy! I won't pay that, neither.” Justice (slightly nettled)—" Wa-al, then, fo' the Lawd’s sake! how much do yo" think it's wuth—or do yo" s'pect this here cote 's a-goin’ to put its hand down into its trousers-pocket an’ pay yo" suthin’ fo' doin’ it?” Prisonen—" Wa-al, jedge, I didn’ come here fo" to joke, an’ I tell yo" seriously I don’t think it hain’t wuth not much mo'n a dollah."* Justice—" WV "pose we call it a dollah, then, an’ yo’ ask this yer cote to hev suthin’ ovah to Jake's aftah this cote 's adjourned?” Prisoner— ight. jedge: I'd be willin’ to do the right thing that way.” ustice—"All right, then. I fine yo" —— RISONER (interrupting)—"* Provided yo'll take the dollah out in coon-skins, jedge.” ustice—"All right, Si. I fine yo" "—— RISONER (hastily)—"*An’ lend me yo'r bicycle to learn to ride on.” ustice—"* i. 1 fine" — ‘hilst I'm learnin’ n" show my ol’ woman a few prints on it too.” * Now see here, Si Perkins; don't yo' go a-crowdin’ this ere cote too fur, suh, fo' I kin lick yo" the bes’ day yo' evah wuz born, under- ISONER (mildly) —**S'all right, jedge; T humbly ‘pologize. I don’t blame yo" a bit fo’ kickin’ on my ol” woman ; so jes’ let the dicker stan’ the way it wuz an’ come on ovah to J: comicbooks.com