Judge — March 5, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Visige JUDGE'S FABLES. WO barn-yard cocks did once engage each other in furious battle, over- looked the while by a hovering vult- ure. The victorious cock immedi- ately did not fly to the roof of the coop and crow, that the vulture might pounce upon him, but scut- Wed under the coop and crowed while the vulture nailed the defeat- ed cock, Moral—Do your crowing on the safe side of the trocha. W. #, COOK. A DEFINITION. Little Elmer-— Pa, what is an optimist ? Professor Broadhead—"A per- son who is constantly expecting the unexpected to happen.” LITERAL TRUTH: ASS¥ (in the diteh)—"* Oi wouldn't lower mesilf t' shcrap KULLAHAN (begrimed with coal)—*An’ Oi wouldn't dirty me hands on th’ loikes av you.” A NEW CHARGE. ssQHo. Mr O And our is nothing more than a mere gambling institution. is it?) That's a man all over. Nothing is too glar- ingly false for him to say: nothing too fiendishly ma- lignant for him to charge A SHARP ANSWER. when caught in a corner Mose—"* Ef I sho'd escort anuddah and his evilness and in- lady toe de ball nex’ week would yo! feel iquity brought to light. 1 muchcut up?” . find pawn-tickets in your CLARINa==" Nopey 2 yo: would . ano pockets along with a deck be ENT Don'd vip him. Repeccah, Der vear undt tear on his clothes vill of cards and some poker-chips, and when I confront you with those Mas Co Tow I bunish him, den?" evidences of guilt you snarlingly aver that I have no room to talk Cowex—" Deprife him obf his dinner undt gombine bunishment mit brofit.” because I gamble myself. It’s false, and you know it, Because we play for prizes at our little weekly meetings you call it gambling. Because we offer an incentive to bright play and honest effort—just a mere incentive, nothing of real intrinsic value—you dare to hurl the awful name of gamblers at us. Shame upon you, Mr. Jangle! You call yourself a gen- tleman and say such things! No, I will not hush. As long as there is breath left in my body f intend holding your mean little soul up before your eyes and try- ing to shame you into a better way of living, You thank heav- en, do you, that Im going out for the afternoon? The club meets this afternoon at that Mrs. Graball’s, who cheats so openly and barefacedly that I never intend playing with her again; and besides the prize is a cheap old thing that never cost a cent more than twenty dollars. And, too, I intend to stay right here and make you retract your dirty THES INPROVED INGSE- HEATER accusation if it takes me all day, The value of this invention cannot be overesti. 29d night too. Gamblers, in- mated. It is neat, compact and, being made of pol- deed!" Gm Cone UNCERTAIN. ished nickel, attracts no attention when worn on the Finst vicrim—"" Be yer dead, Pat ?* street. As nearly every one suffers from a cold nose Skconb vicrim—"" Oi dunno "Ax me in tin minnits frum during the winter season, a large sale of this appliance Mceene ia inabil- if Oi'm not aloive be thot toime Oi'll be dead fer is expected. ity to blunder, comicbooks.com