Judge — January 29, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘Then this ‘ere bird is jus’ the one you're a-lookin’ for. spoke up) THE PESSIMISM OF BROWN. . *A5 I was saying to Brown,” remarked | the first Chicago business man, | “If there is any one thing for which we ' ought to be glad it is for safety of life and limb. Contrast our conditions with those of our ancestors,’ said I to Brown, ‘Are we tomahawked? Are we’ "—— “Look out for the down-town car,” interjected the second Chicago business A DIPLOMATIC INVITATION. * It was a great surprise to me to learn xd your neighbors, the Flatpurses, to our Jessica—"‘Ah, but I ascertained that they were in such unquestionably straitened circumstances that they wouldn't come. That means they won't have money to get us a wed- ding-present, and we will have a legitimate provocation for cutting them afterward,” udge fo ron ie EES | THE VERY THING, “What T want, my man, is a bird that can talk well enough to amuse a class of Sunday-school scholars.” I've brought him up under my own eye an’ I've taught him little werses out o' the hymn-books. Why, Lor’ bless yer, sir! this ‘ere bird won't eat a bit o' cracker without givin’ thanks.” “A BAND OF FOKGE! man. “ They come on to a fellow so quick you don’t notice. You were say- ing "—— “Twas telling you about my partner, Brown. Brown isa born pessimist, if there ever was one. Brown is one of these fel- lows who are forever harp- ing about the good old times. 1 pitched into him red-hot though, and 1 rather had the best of him. 1 reminded him of the time when bears and savage beasts— Hullo, there, bub! where's the ambulance going so fast ? Man pretty near killed, ch? Humph! how care- ess some men are!” “Careless?” said the second Chicago business man, “Well, I should say! One reason why I'm in such a hurry to-day is that my chief clerk let himself tumble down an open manhole and break his leg, yesterday. I've half a no- tion to dock— J 1 SAY OLD Trae mE Me ger rut GROmIER AYN * Since father died we are abs But you are reading a comic paper.” “I know ; bat it's only the comic supplement of a Sunday paper.’ Hi, there! look out for that bicycle- scorcher, young fellow! But you were telling me about Brown.” “Yes, I was telle ing you about Brown, resumed the first Ch cago business man. told Brown that it was all the newspapers— that's what, The news- Papers are so blamed sensational; they ex- aggerate things so. That's what makes fel- lows like Brown talk of the good old times; that's why life doesn’t seem so quiet and se- cure as it really is. Here's this Luetgert Tl bet you you didn’t find any- thing but Luetgert in the papers to-day. Did you, now? Am right, eh?” “Well, no; not exactly,” replied the (And then the bird Other hesitatingly. “There was a fatal railroad accident, an account of a family killed by escaping gas, a dozen or so smashed up by a falling ele- vator, a couple of sand-baggings, a few assassinations, and a hold-up —usual rou- tine, you know; but they made more of Luetgert than of all the rest. You're right in that.” Just then the police-patrol rattled by ly as to stop the interesting con- BY WORD OF MOUTH. . “HOW can one tell whether or not a man has wheels in his head?” “ By the spokes that come from his mouth, my boy.”* NO LEVITY. ing from all amusements." Seer Stee comicbooks.com