Judge — January 29, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FABLES. ‘THE SERPENT AND THE FILE. INCE upon a time, in Scotland, a serpent, in the sinuous course of his wanderings, enter- ed adeserted armorer’s shop. As he glided over the floor he felt his skin pricked by a file lying there. Un- ike the foolish serpent in the original fable who turned wrathfully and insensately tried to wreak vengeance by attempting to sink its fangs into the impene- trable tool, our serpent took quite a different course. For, being a serpent, it had the pro- verbial wisdom of the worm; and, being a Scotch serpent, it also had the proverbial itchiness of the Scot. So therefore it directed its undulating folds gently along the corrugated surface of the file, gaining thereby (as the file got | on to its fyi Moral—Edged tools may be handled by workmen who come up to the scratch. wm. 00x. IS OPINION OF POODLES. “ Lookin’ the matter up one side an’ down the other,” remarked the Kohack philosopher sarcastic ally, "I don’t see but one objection to be made to the practice of some married women of neglectin’ their children to fondle poodles, nor to single women kissin’ lap-dogs in preference to young men. An’, for that matter, I don’t see any objection to young men marryin’ that kind of girls if they want to. “ Alter takin’ considerable notice of the situa- tion I have come to believe that the kind of mothers who prefer poodles to their own children are the kind of mothers that would do their offsprings more harm than good if they neglected the poodles for them, and quite likely that kind of mothers are blessed with the kind of children that ain't worth cultivatin’, anyhow. As for the girls who lavish their kisses on their lap-dogs instead of on the young men, I imagine that they know which they prefer and what they like best. An’ havin’ paid particular attention of late to the kind of young men that that kind of girls usually associate with, I am constrained to say that I don’t blame the girls much, As for the kind of young men who marry that kind of girls, I guess they know what they want “Takin’ it all around, for those that like that kind of a Wi en annerncnaiiel a Pents te is esi wneeneoees James!” A MATTER OF POLICY. Just Jonxson—"' So yo" bought dat chicken ob ’Squire Hennery, eh? Whad did yo" buy sech a skinny one fo?" ‘Aue Hanpcast—" Oh, I didn’ bay him toe eat. Dis chicken had a habit ob roostin’ nights mp on top ob de dog-house, an’ | wuz erfraid ef he kep’ on de udder chickens might be follerin’ his example.” A SUDDEN DROP IN STOCK. 1, "* Who is the distinguished-looking man with the long hair over there?" thing I guess it is exactly the kind of a thing they like. The Miss BANKs—'* That's James, our new butler. DID HIS BEST. Lapy—"So you fought with Sherman on his march to the sea? Here isa dollar for you, you noble patriot! Were you in a Massachusetts regiment ?” ‘Tramp: we fought wid dem Vanks wuz a caution,” only standpoint, it ap pears to me, from which any objection ought to come is that of the poodle. He seems to be situated a good deal like the late Abraham was in the feelin’ little obituary verse that used to be - goin’ the rounds of the papers, an’ which told about our Mary Ann lyin’ at rest with ber head on good old Abraham's breast. It was thought to be very nice for Mary Ann, but kinder tough on Abraham.” Well, hardly, lady. I wuz in de Louisiana tigers, an’ de way UTILIZED. SHES guilty of a score of crimes In love's name — Rumor tie dings brings She's been engaged so many times She hangs her curtains on the rings. LOST HIS SUPPORT. First tramp—"When did ke t' de road?” Second tramp—" When me wife died.” First tramp—* Dat must ‘ve bin a hard blov Second tramp—"\t wuz, 1 didn’t have a Ving U swaller ‘cept de lump in me t'roat fer weeks,” yer L'TTLE Cuba remarks, after Shakespeare,“ The labor we delight in physics Spain.” comicbooks.com