Judge, 1898-01-29 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 29, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical sketches typical of Judge's humor: **"A Noble Resolve"** mocks a British aristocrat ("Lord Cleenbustid Noole") who declares he'll marry an American heiress for her wealth—the "blooming American beauty" is really her bank account, not her character. **"Not Quite So Bad"** is a simple joke about Irish servant Bridget misunderstanding a conversation about a nephew who never knew his mother's love, asking if the mother died before he was born. **"Deserving of Sympathy"** uses irony: a child appears to be suffering, but her real complaint is merely a broken button. **"Taken at His Word"** plays on a fortune-seeker's compliment about a daughter's worth—the father immediately tries to sell her at that price with a discount. **"More Acceptable Now"** references bicycling fads and scorchers (reckless cyclists), joking that if people continue their earthly occupations in heaven, at least scorchers will fit right in. Other brief gags satirize the middle class, compare rival peaches, mock newfound Klondike wealth, and feature curbstone dentistry.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A NOBLE RESOLVE. ss Borner life!" Cried Lord Cleenbustid Noole “Til double up with a blooming wife With a fat bank-book and a beodle. So fare ye well, ol-bachelor boy ; T respond to me debts. “Tis duty To find and pluck the nobleman’; joy, ‘The blooming American beauty.” this blooming «ingle NOT QUITE SO Bab. Mrs. Newcomb (speakiny: of her nephew, whose mother died when he was a baby)—* Poor caild! he never knew a mother’s love.” Bridget—"An’ did she die ba- i foore he was born, mum?” | DESERVING OF SYMPATHY, ANYWAY, THE child seemed to be suffering. Her little Lack was bent, and she was moving slowly at a gait : midway between walking and crawling. “Are you hurt, my d sked a sympathetic gentleman, reaching toward her. TAKEN AT HIS WORD. “You jes’ get your hands off!” snapped the cherub. “I've busted a button—that’s what's the matter.” eRsTONR—"'T tink your daughter vas vorth her veight in gold.” une (Aastily)—"* Vell, you gan have her at dot price, den, mit feefty per cent. off MORE ACCEPTABLE NOW. Se THE theory that the employments of persons in this world will be contin- ued in the next is more acceptable now than it was before bicycling became so general.” * How do you make that out?” “It applies so fittingly to the scorcher.” THE MIDDLE CLASS. Soce TY is just like a pie, And clearly the likeness can be seen— There's the upper crust and the lower crust, While the real substance lies between. RIVAL PEACHES. Miss Keedick— \ read of a peach which in Tennessee and weighed a pound Mr. Spatts—"That isn’t such a very big peach, Miss Keedick. BACK FROM KLONDIK baits Sah a Oh, fatver ! don’t order pie for breakfast.” aes aa Tue OLD MAN (reassuring/y)—"' Pshaw, now, carter! don’t git skeart, ‘cause we've got money ernuff Mr, Spatts— ter hev it six times a day ef we want it.” much more than that.” tie? . indeed. You weigh Miss pe Porqui CURBSTONE DENTISTRY. Toornacue BrowN—" Well, I'm blowed! 1 thought when I got that Urcwun (tho couldn't allow such a golden opportunity to slip)—'* Shine, string tied around that confounded aching tooth I'd hive nerve enough to pull." boss?" comicbooks.com