Judge — September 25, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Th’ truth av some fellies is falsehood. ‘Thirteen is an unloocky number t’ owe. Shure, it niver pays t’ kill a pig till he’s roipe intoirely. ‘Tis th’ oidle mon thot wurks loike th’ divil J playin’ golf. g A plisint incidint is moighty unplisint th’ \3 felly thot gits licked. It takes th’ nervy felly t' kill a skoonk—a felly thot kin brathe wid his ears. No mon thot can’t shteer his voice clear av his nose has a roight t’ sing aloud, aven in a whishper. « Phwat hov yez t' git married an?” says Oi 4 t' Micky. Th’ earth,” says he. Now phwat do yez think av thot? f ‘Tis many th’ thing thot’s not found out till 2 Sree it’s too late intoirely. Whin Oi wint t’ see Murphy whin he wor sick IY KCONDIRE Costume: Oi ses t’ him," How do yez fale, me b'y?” an’ he sez’ me, “Tis nearly Wire—" Why, Alfred! what does this dress mean? You haven't got the gone thot Oi am. Oi kin hear me heart batin’ out th’ did march.” He — Klondike fever too, have you?” “wor a poet, an’ we niver knew it till thin DAVID H. TALMADGE. ALFKED—* No; nothing of the sort. I am simply going to umpire a Cincin- : nati ball game; that’s all, REAL MEAN. = : Z Z | Age Fifi] TO BE SURE. HE sleeping-car G Ls Z ‘ | s/THERE are two T was comfortably pss Z Y Z : T ways of make filled when, just before Z;\ ing a Maltese cross, night, a young man you know,” said he to and his wife came in a red-cross girl. claiming the only re- “I know only one,” maining berth. The she returned. wife was young and ” Well, the other is pretty, and when it to step on its tail.”” came time to retire she took her traveling-bag to go to the dressing- room. Evidently they had never before traveled in a sleeping-car, for she returned to say to him, “I'm so afraid I won't know which is our berth when I come HER CRITICISM. Mistress —" Well, Norah, how did you enjoy the scenery?” Norah (who has just returned from a week's outing on the Maine coast) —"To shpake plainly, mum, z — ~ 5 th’ scenery ‘s not so back.” Ss shai ls —— iligant as it looks.” “Oh, that’s all THEY KEEP HIM HUSTLING. right,” gayly replied Josson—* How many magazines do you read ?” OH, CHARITY! her husband in a voice Tee bab a mumber.” ssBUT, my dear,” which he thought was jfopson——"" Yes"; but when I get the leaves of one month's issues cut the next month's issues are out.” gently remon- strated her husband, “thought I gave you five dollars to buy a sofa-cushion for your fancy-table at the fair, yesterday.” “ Why, but, John, dear, #415 five dollars is to buy it back.” THE EVER-PRESENT QUESTION. First cyclist — Oh, you wouldn't like Jobson; he’s got a wheel in his head.” Second cyclist—" What make?” A RADICAL THEOLOGY. TUART was overheard in his prayer—‘ Oh, God, bless all the good folks and don’t bless any of the bad, and let us all live till we just die ourselves. Amen,” Se PRESENCE OF MIND. 1. Faraer GReen—"' Jinks! I could ‘a’ sworn I saw a leetle darky in the melon-patch.” drowned by the noise of the train. I'll tell you—I'll just stick my foot a little out of the end of the berth and then you'll know.” But the wicked traveling man in the next berth heard, and the old fat spider slipped out to trap the poor fly. He told every man in the car what the signal was to be, and when the poor young thing came back in her pretty dressing- sacque and her neat braids hanging down a black toe, a brown toe, a white toe, or a red one protruded from every berth. And the wicked traveling man was happy. comicbooks.com