Judge — September 25, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae A SELF-BINDER. N URCHIN once asked, ‘* If our wild oats we sow What kind of a reaping-machine Do we use in the harvest? Pray, I want to know, For the like yet I never have seen,” His father adjusted his specs to his nose, ‘Then wisdom his tongue did employ. “ ‘The experience of all at the harvesting shows ‘That they used a self-binder, my bo: ALONZO LEORA RICK, A GLANCE INTO THE FUTURE. HE scene is laid in the year 1997. In the commodious museum our highly-specialized and scientifically- the hall on a wheel whose model has not yet been dreamed of and explains the marvels of the exhibi- tion, Stopping before a wild-eyed and timid-look- ing man who is seated on an elevated platform, the professor holds forth as follows : “ Here, ladies and gentlemen, you see the great- est marvel of the age, and see what will probably be known to your descendants merely as a tradi- tion. This man, who was born and reared on the almost inaccessible slopes of the Rocky mountains, and spent his life in wild fastnesses into which none’ but the most daring bicyclists could penetrate, was finally captured and at great expense brought here for your entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, you see before you the last and only man living who knows how to walk. I will now pause for a moment to allow you to purchase photographs of him in the act of walking. Afterward we will proceed to the next platform, where I will explain to you all about the stuffed horse, and tell you some of the charac- teristics of this wonderful animal that flourished from the pre-glacial period to within fifty years of the present time.” ++ FRUIT,” says Margie, “is one of ze sings zat when you eat enough of you eat too much of.” developed descendants are spinning along on their bicycles over the asphalted floors. Some are whirling along by themselves, looking at the strange sights; but most of the crowd is following the eloquent professor who rides around FASHION'S VICTIM. Dudely says he doesn’t know why he has corns. His dealer assured him that both of those stylish lasts were the natural shape of his foot. ODE TO MELONCHOLY. THE musk and watermelon were flirting in the patch, When the ardent watermelon proposed to make a match, The musky maiden answered, *' My heart doth much incline, But an earlier attachment doth hold me to this vine.” ‘The heavy-witted suitor saw not ‘twas said in frolic ; His jealous heart at once was seized with pains quite melon.colic. “Oh, fly with me!" the melon said; ‘dash not my juicy hope.” “Not thus,” the proper maid replied. “No, sir cantelope.” SOME SATISFACTION. Mrs. Bridewell—\'m glad 1 wasn’t born in France. Just think of having your husband selected for you by somebody else!” Mfrs, Oldham—" 1 know; but there's the con- solation of having somebody to blame it on to.” A CASE OF MUTUAL SATISFACTION; OR, THE TRAMP AND THE BULL AND THE APPLE-TREE. comicbooks.com