Judge — September 18, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A PROVISO. OW shall we send our mss.2- We would fain Find a reasonable answer to that. The editor won't have them rolled, it is plain, Yet insists that they should not be flat. GREAT EVENT IN HIS LIFE. 6 eTHEY had a little celebra- tion over at Bagley’s last night.” “Ab! anniversary of some important event in the family history, doubtless.” “Yes; it was ten years ago yesterday that Bagley left St. Louis.” HIS ENTERTAIN- | MENT. Mrs. Dorcas— “Doesn't your husband ever try to amuse you?” Mrs. Gayboy—"1 shouldn't like to say that. DEAR GIRLS, Whenever he comes home Mapor—"* Mr. Spooner enjoys chatting with you immensely." : , CLana—"* Indeed? late he gives me a song- Mapor—' Oh, yes. He says you keep the sun off him so nicely.” and-dance.” H T NABLE. A FACT. THE UNATTAINA Catskill-mount~ ain farmer—"Avy berries to-day, ma‘am?" Ma‘am—" How much are the ber- ries 2” Catskill mount- ain farmer— “Well, I ought to git fourteen cents ; for them. They're Askin HE TWISTS and turns, he chokes and gasps, His shoulder-blades he tries to clutch ; His face grows purple as he grasps At something he can never touch. His writhing body backward bends, His hands behind grope in the air ; And yet he cannot reach the ends Of those suspenders hanging there. TOM cHRYSTAL. PATRIOTIC, I wonder why they put hand-picked.” He green lights in front of the police-sta- 7 tions?” Meer . Tellum—" Don't you know that NIVER lick a fetly thors A NATURAL CONSEQUENCE. Teac * Johnson, tell me which are the vowels.” i Jounsox—"A, ¢, i, 0, u.” by. Teacuen (absent-mindedly)—* How much?" TOO OLD TO EAT. Mrs. Newwife (whose husband's family had always slaughtered their own poul- try)—" Bridget, return those hens to the butcher—they're too old to eat—and tell him not to bring any more here without teeth. I may be new at housekeep- ing, but I won't be imposed upon.” LOST TO SIGHT. Mrs. Hampack (of Chicago) —" 1 haven't heard from Mildred for a long time.” Mrs. Porkchops (also of Chicago) — “Neither have I. 1 don’t even know green is the national emblem of our police-force ?” bigger ‘n you, me oo her married name HIS QUALIFICATIONS FOR BUSINESS. EXPANSIVE, this year.” Isaacson —** I hear your son Jakey has failed in his exami- “*An’ shure, Moike, does thim craytures always shmoile loike nation,” thot?” ae SILVERSON—"' Sure, he failed—dis is der fourth time. I'm “Do yez call thot a shmoile? Begorra, thin, if he wuz t laugh R!D paintisthick- going to oben a shtore fur him now. I tink he'll make a good th’ top av his head wud cum aff.” er'n blood. —_peesness man.” comicbooks.com