Judge — September 18, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suape A SPOILED COMPLIMENT. ]OU her mother? No; Time missed his measure. Rather sisters, so the graces woo you. * Then he added, as she smiled with pleasure, * She looks old enough for sister to you ” UNAPPRECIATED TESTIMONY. + BRETHREN and sisters,” began a shifty-eyed man, rising in the midst of the salvation army meeting, “I want to testify to-night to the blessed work that religion has done for me.” “Say on, brother !” cried the captain encourag- am a cable-car gripman,” continued the first speaker, “and, as most of you understand, my busi- ness is one in which patience and temper are often tried almost beyond endurance; and, as you also know, it is customary for men in my position to re- turn an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth at the slightest provocation. But since I have received the sustaining consolation of the faith I have striven to be a meeker and better man.” “ Hallelujah!” exclaimed a lassie triumphantly, « Only yesterday,” proceeded the speaker modestly, “I had an experience which tried me to the utmost, but gave me a glorious victory in the end. We were jolting along a crowded street, three minutes behind schedule time, when a well-dressed young man signaled me to stop. Between his lips was an unlighted cigar and in his fingers a match, When I had brought things to a standstill he carefully scratched the match on the side of the car and slowly lighted his cigar. When the weed was drawing freely he stepped back, thanked me with a polite nod, and waved me to go ahead, Had this oc- curred only a few weeks ago, before I began attending these meetings, I should have assailed that young man with an out- burst of profanity that would have made his hair curl; but yesterday ” “You resisted the tempta- tion?” interrupted several eager INQUISITION, THe SouTH AMERICAN CoNDOR—"' What! are you still weeping to think you're going to be sold, Abe? OLD Ane (the bald-headed eagle) —‘* It's not that that grieves me; it’s whom I'm to be sold to.” ‘THe SOUTH AMEXICAN CONDOR—"' Who is the purchaser?” Otp Ane (sadly)—"“A confounded hair-restorer crank, He is going to bay me to experiment on.” ward without a word, counting one hundred to myself, and "—— “Stop right there, young man!" broke iti the salvation- army captain sternly. “You | seem to have forgotten that we q Were men and women of the 4 world before becoming soldiers TS of the cross, and that some of Foe us were liars, ourselves. There === is a great deal of difference be- == SS ieee Wa Cariaiss Weed ta ooe" — founded fool, my friend. Sit down!" oN P. MORGAN. BACCHANTE, THOUGH critics may condemn And prudes treat him, with rigor, ‘The sculptor, spite of them; Has cut a pretty figure. USUALLY THE WAY. Quiszer—"1 hear the Rev- erend Dr. Windjammer is going to the holy land.” voices, GRATIFYING. ly it aval Is this explorer going into raptures over the incomparable aurora borealis? Ob. no. Guyer —“ Oh, no; he's too Yes, brethren and sisters. t1¢ used to be an ice-dealer and is making a mental profit-calculation that one iceberg busy writing a book about it.” I pulled the lever and went on- would pay off the national debt. pin ea, _— PROFESSIONAL ZEAL. Actor (increduloushy)—"" What! do me eyes deceive me —Professor Hummin, the famous juggler, acting in a waiter's capacity?” Proressor Humain—* Nothing strange. I always take this job towards the opening of the regular season. It gets my COULDN'T DO IT HIMSELF. I discuvvered a wery rich gold.mine in Alasky.” *And didn’t you stake a claim?” Yer see, laber ‘s so high up dere dat I couldn't afford ter hand in for legitimate juggling, you see.” hire a man ter drive de stakes in fer me. comicbooks.com