Judge — September 4, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IORBIDDEN fruit 's the only thing, THE WAY IT AF- FECTED HIM. se] THINK that the hot weather has affected my appetite,” remarked the star boarder as he passed his plate for a second helping of chicken. “Indeed?” said Mrs, Small incredulously “Yes; it makes me eat more.” NATURAL PRESUMP- TION. Cactus Cal (visiting in Jer- sey)—" Whoop! Ouch! Wow !* Nephew (springing from bed)—" What's the matter, un- cle; what's the matter?” Cactus Cal—" Them pesky “skeeters made me think I'd gone ter bed with me spurs on.” HUMAN NATURE. And so bare legs upon the stage Draw crowds from wall to wall, While those same legs upon the beach Create no stir at all. No matter what you say, And “* don'ts” inspire a strong desire ‘That never brooks a ** nay.” THE LOSS AND THE GAIN. HE doctor's bill was four dollars; Mr. Tidley abandoned a business trip that was worth an even two hundred; Mrs. Tidley lost three nights’ sleep and plunged into a gulf of nervous prostration; and young George Tid- ley, who had caused it all by falling from the woodshed roof on to fifty-six glass jars of fruit, just put up, lay on the bed and blinked at the sunshine that filtered through the blind. “ Auntie,” said he. “Yes, dear.” “'Twas a good thing it happened, wasn’t it? That achy tooth I've been dreadin’ t’ have pulled got knocked out, an’ we can save th’ fifty cents we'd have had t’ pay th’ dentist.” NOT PERFUMERY. Bridget (surreptitiously smelling a bottle of lavender salts) —“ Och, quick! Cut aff me nose befoor it efficts th’ rist av me body.” wy? ‘Cause it don't matter how menny people iz out uv a job, somebody allus offers me work.” ~~ WILLING TO walt. LaDy oN GuARD—'*Stop! Ladies in bathing !” Pat—" Och, thin, let me know whin they cum out." A PREMEDITATED BACKSLIDER. Ernen ‘ll you go to church and hear Dr. Creed to-day with me?” Jack—" Will T have time to catch the car for the ball-game after the dox- KNEW HIS BUSINESS. Niagara hotel guest— This bill isn’t right. You charge me for look- ing at the falls twelve times when there were two days that I didn’t leave the hotel on account of rain.” Proprietor —* Can't help that, sir. The falls were there. You can’t run a hotel here and not charge for rainy days.” comicbooks.com