Judge — September 4, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

460 uae UNNECESSARY. EAR doctor, please prescribe for me, As really I am quite unwell. Show you my tongue? ‘Twill useless be, For how I feel no tongue can tell. AND SHE STILL LIVES! Clara—" You used to wear white gloves when you rode a single wheel.” Ethel—"Yes; but Charlie said they wouldn't look well on this double wheel, so I tan’d’em.” KEEPING IT UP. THERE anything new in the Guzzelgup murder mystery?” asked the managing ed- itor of the Morning Hullabaloo as he entered the office of that influential journal. “ Not a word, sir,” replied the city editor. “Then I think you had better have a five- or six-column article prepared explaining the Hullabaloo's great enterprise in ferreting out the mystery.” sels FOOLED BY THE SIZE. LoNG-1SLAND FARMER—" Hanged ef thet green German hand hain't gone an’ harnessed up two mus- keeters inter th’ buggy instid o' th’ horses.” you to.” der”. HAD MET HIM. Miss Guu (to the colonel, who, she imagines, has been a great trav- ¢ler)—"" Mave you ever met the African lion 5 . miss, to cahst any insinuations pon the ut I hev known a niggah to lie when caught with chickens in his possession.” MERCIFUL TOMMY. se TOMMY,” said that lit tle feliow’s mother re- provingly, “you should not hit Freddy when he hits you. You should heap coals of fire on his head, as the bible tells “Not in this hot weath- er,” replied Tommy, who is of a merciful disposition. THE ALTERNATIVE, Customer—" Chalk down that shave; I'm broke.” Barber —“We don't trust. If you can’t raise ten cents raise whiskers PROBABLY NOT, Grimshaw—"1 won- Askins —" What do you wonder?” Grimshaw—" Me there is anything else in the world that equals in sublime unction the way in which a portly red- nosed man remark: said to me, ‘ Colonel '—— ?” And he SPORTING INTERPRETATION, I saw her at the ball-game, ‘And a pleasing vision she. I watched not the players fan that day, For hers more int'rested me. Oh, I saw her at the ball-game, “Though never a once looked she : And I never looked at the pitcher, for Her curves just suited me. But now the game is over, No use for me to wait’; For she's a magnate’s daughter— My chance isn't one—two—eight. w. r. coor. GOT IT TWISTED. . syouR husband belongs to a prominent se- cret society, I understand ?” es; John is head officer in one of the lodges of the knights of microbes.” A LEGISLATIVE OPTIMIST. Assemblyman Ote Field— Pretty dull times ahead in the legislatur, I'm afeared, with the cap- itol completed.” Assemblyman Si Low—" Pshaw, man ! think of the repairs and improvements.” VIOLENT VERIFICATION. Count Nitsky doubted that Colonel Strong once broke the heavy-hammer-throw record, and the col- onel is proving to the count that he is no liar comicbooks.com