Judge — July 31, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sudge OUR BASE-BALL MANAGER. E SITS on the bench with anxious face ; His team stands second in the race. He's a rooter, and he wants first place. Ho! for our hustling manager. There goes Lacey to the bat. Will he walk or fan or swat? “ Steri-cke! Say, umpire, got a rat?” 3 Rakai ear Good eye, there, old man! Hit “er stout! \— Yer off now, Reddy! Slide! Not out! We'll win in a walk without a doabt. Woe ! for the other manager. ‘w. R. COOK. A BAD REMEDY. aN BEAKE felt deeply for the Reverend ‘Y “a Dr. Hartley. The latter struggled ~" through his discourse, alternately mopping HOW THE LAND LAY. his face with a silk cloth and sparring like a feather-weight with a Erite1—"'Oh, what a lovely collection of engagement-rings! Are you trying horde of atheistic flies that sought to camp upon his finely-chiseled to decide which one you sball marry?” features. ,PeneLore (sadly)—** No, my dear. Iam trying to decide which one I shall “Strange,” he mused, “if there is no way to avoid being masti- “"* cated, cannibal-fashion, by a lot of loathsome flies. I believe I'll ask Blake presented the package to Dr. Hartley, and he was delighted; said he Berry, my druggist, if an invisible powder cannot be prepared that will would give it a trial the following Sunday. make the flies sick and give the good man half a chance.” It was a hot forenoon and flies were plentiful, but not one invaded the Berry —who, by the way, had a particular grudge against Dr.Hart- precincts within ten feet of the Reverend Dr. Hartley. The preacher, unmo- ley—was interviewed; said there was a powder he could guarantee to _lested by his former enemies, dealt out sledge-hammer logic as never before. prevent further inflictions at the hands of the insects, and prepared it. He warmed up quickly, and the perspiration began to ooze out. Reaching : for his kerchief, the gentleman mopped it vigorously across his left cheek, leaving a trail of bright carmine Without noticing the stunning effect or the expressions of horror upon ‘the faces of his hearers, he replaced the cloth and proceeded. Soon, however, he reached for it again and mopped the other cheek, laying the soiled kerchief upon the pulpit. Observing its stained and gory appearance, he placed bis hand to his face and, imagining what he saw to be blood, hastily begged to be excused for a moment and broke for the “‘study.”, Here the cause for the ex- cessive floridity appeared, and soap and water did the rest. ‘Three minutes later the divine appeared in normal condi- tion and the sermon progressed, the flies on deck as usual. “Well, it dispersed the flies, didn’t it?” remarked Berry, when asked for an explanation by Blake. “That's all I guaranteed it to do. I supposed everybody knew the effect of moistening cochineal.” Raw J, STILLSAK, GREAT SCHEME. Bicycle-manufacturer's friend—" Any new ideas on tap for next year?” Bicycle-manufacturer —"'Sb! Don't give it away. Greatest thing yet. I am going to give ‘em a ladies’ 1900 model marked down to 1898.” —— FIRST ARRIVAL AT A SEASIDE RESORT. Cuorus OF Lapigs—'* Is he married, I wonder?” IN THE AGE OF FANCY BOSOMS, WHAT made the man conspic- uous 1, somehow, couldn't tell : His coat was in the best of taste And fit exceeding well ; His trousers—light, but ‘not too light— Were of a modest check, And not an ultra stitch was in ‘The collar on his neck. Th’ extraordinary something I Sought vainly in his hat, For neither shape nor timming ave Me aught to cavil at, His shoes, I found, were seemly for A self-respecting man— Not bottle-green nor ox-blood red, But just a decent tan. His tie of golf effects, so-called, Was innocent ; and why? ‘The jewelry in sight you could, 1 vow, put in your eye. In fine I Stewed and studied till felt defeated quite, __A SENSITIVE SOUL. When suddenly I noticed that Day Dorpet (noting a tear on his sleeping pard, sympathetically) —"* Dere he goes agen—dere he goes agen, ‘The shirt he wore was white! feller! dreamin uv work. Dere ain't no day goes by dat he's bin offered work but w’ot he's haunted by it at nite. Poor apwaxo w. namwano, feller! how he does take insults ter heart !” comicbooks.com | |