Judge — July 31, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

70 WHY THE HEATHEN RAGE. OW clothe the naked,” the parson said When the mission-box was passed. And around it went, while many a cent Was into the casket cast. A miserly deacon eyed the box As under his nose it popped ; He stretched out his hand with a man- ner most bland And a button he deftly dropped. His conscience pricked him never a bit He muttered, ‘I think that will do ; And if I could afford I'd give ‘em, good Lord, A pair of suspenders too.” 7. R CHRYSTAL, ANOTHER VICTIM. THE landlady had been warned. She had been duly informed by a cold, blue letter that unless she paid an overdue gas-bill of seventeen dollars and thirty- eight conts “ supply would be discontinued.” Still, she rode gayly along on the high tide of a cold-summer prosperity. Fifteen years of gas-bills, paid, under pressure, on the installment plan, and five years shift- ing from one to the other of rival companies, under cover of an occasional change of name and address, had given her a certain sense of security. Alas! she reckoned this time without remembering the strength of a consolidated antagonist; and one evening at dinner the axe fell, It cut off the gas. Forty board- ers, including a new gentleman and wife in the second-floor front, who had promised to be perma- nent if suited, plunged in total darkness! ‘The landlady fainted promptly. When she recovered, it was to see the dining- table lit with three candles set in tumblers and to hear the voice of her star- boarder say, “Never mind, Mrs. Pincher. I'll advance you the money to pay these sharks.” To which the landlady replied between gasps, “Oh, 1 knew that would be all right, Mr. Callow; but what undoes me is that I have a three-dollar-a-day dressmaker up stairs working ‘over-hours’ on my new fifty-dollar bike- suit, and she won't be able to see to sew this even- ing.” mapau Sur— A BRIDAL CASUALT Aunt (at the first honeymoon breakfast)—"* Mercy, Caroline ! you haven't been asserting your conjugal rights on George a-ready, have you?" CaROLine (the bride)—"* No, dear aunt. Mr. Jones must be a fine artist. He—** Well, not exactly; but a T. A.” ‘And what hono: Tonsorial artist.” ; That's where George got hit with an old shoe that was thrown at him for good luck last night."" SADLY MISUNDERSTOOD. Lieutenant Beery—" Oh, what shall I do? I've lost my bearings, kind sir.” Esquimav citer —"* There's a repair-shop just around the iceberg.” SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT. SSYEW think yew're dern smart tew laugh at me ‘cause I tried tew blow out th’ gas,” said old Farmer Furrow to the hotel-clerk; “but, by gosh! I'd like tew see yew try yewr hand at drivin’ a yoke uv oxen or cradlin’ a field o° rye. Thet ‘ud be some- thin’ woth laughin’ at monkey-faced ijit! yew THEIR STATUS. City man—"1 under- stand that horses are very cheap in this neighbor- hood?” Ruralville native— “Cheap? They are so blamed cheap that their owners have taken to leavin’ ‘em in other folks’ barns like foundling chil- dren are left on doorsteps.” BAD LOT. Reverend Dr. Third- dy—"Any particular sub- ject that you would like me to preach about to your flock?” Reverend Dr. Good- man (who has exchanged pulpits)—“ You can’t possibly go for them too strong on brotherly love. I usu- ally give them that one Sunday and a sermon against covetousness the next. You see all four of my deacons and two of the trustees sell bicycles.”” BITTER. Thear he is now an R. A.” loes that stand for?” sTawhws. A MAN NEVER LOSES THAT. -TT—"'I hear that you have lost your standing in the church * “Yes; but I'm all right as far as my standing in the concerned,” comicbooks.com