Judge — June 19, 1897 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CHAMPION. an hour, and the Suburbton pas- sengers whiled away the time by good, honest country lies. They were pretty large lies, too, and Solston believed it to be his duty to stem the tide of prevarication by a plain experience which would bring back the conversa- tion to normal channels. “You see that woman at the end of the platform?" he asked, and they said they did. “Well, it is very curious. She has been with us ten years and this is the first time we have been able to persuade her to take avacation, She simply has refused to go to the city, but would insist on staying around the house and doing all the work, until I told my wife that if we did not get her away her health might be impaired. She is the most faithful "— He might have got further, but somebody placed a barrel-hoop over his head as an aureole, and others addressed him as Ananias and other pleasant cognomens, and when the train finally came he had recovered from his resentments and had snuggled down into his place as the champion liar of the settlement. are in the milk business !" DISCRETION. WIEN you heara stale joke told Laugh with might and main, Or the bore may think you dull And the point explain. THOUGHTFUL. R. GREATHEART has just kicked a book-peddler down stairs from his flat. “Oh, I say, there, If you've broken any- thing, there's a carpenter down on the first floor.” L! CLoceen CLANC’ PETITION FOR A COMPROMISE. IT CAME HIGH, Fiest picycist—"* How much did that machine cost you?" Skconp picycitst—"' Oh, "bout a hundred thou. Miss Coldcash threw me over, you know, because I insisted on riding this make.’ ITTLE eight-year-old Alice is in the habit of communicating with her mamma in writing. She seems to find that mode less embarrassing sometimes, and decidedly more effecti strong desire to accompany her older sister to church, she wrote the following INSTINCTIVE, Mrs. von Boston — ‘* The idea of those Browns being here at this watering-place ! Mr. Von Bostone —“‘ Oh, they must have drifted here naturally, then.” ANOTHER FANCY NAILED. Frowery Fieups — ‘I see Chauncey Depew says dat de happiest moments uv his life wuz when he wuz a barefooted boy, gatherin’ chestnuts in de grand old woods.” . Waal, I don't wish ter cast no aspersions on Chauncey, but nobody ever lived dat could walk over chestnut-burrs barefooted, an’ chestnuts don’t fall till after a heavy frost, any- way, an’ I never seen a kid barefoot at dat time uv de year.” . Having a note, after having been told she would be obliged to stay at home and go early to bed on ac- count of the ill effects she would otherwise feel the next day : * To Mrs Broun, Dear Madem Now I do not care a picy yeon for how I feel to morrow, I like to have Hellen hap- py better than my self. If 1 can not go to C. I hope you will be civel enough to let me stay up for it is Papa's last night here “So good by Your dazgeter 4 Why, they HIS HANDS. N A western school, not so very long ago, a little fellow was called up to read for the county superintendent, who was paying the school a visit. The boy was a good reader in all respects but one; he gave absolutely no heed to punetuation marks, When he had finished, the superintend- ent asked, “Willie, where are your pauses ?” Willie dropped his book and held up both hands. “ Here they are, sir,” he said JUVENILE SUSPICION. Aunt—" What would you say if I should say that you were my favorite nephew 7” ‘ommy—'' Dat you wuz givin’ me de glad-hand fer a piece of dis candy.” comicbooks.com