Judge — June 19, 1897 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Photo. by Fath. JUDGE'S FAVOR’ IDA CONQUEST AS RENEE DE COCHEFORET, IN Not opportunity, but art, Must cast an actress in her ce choosing partners for ightly, this role came Romantic, ardent, rare Renée. FILIAL DISRESPECT. Visitor (seeking board) — “ Say, young man; where is the landlord who runs this summer retreat?” Young man (churning) — * Ef yer lookin’ fer dad yer'll find him daown ter the barn with the rest 0° the cattle. He's got chin whiskers an’ stutters.” ON THE BRINK. Youn men who think that maidens ever bless Should know for each one faith- ful one deceives— Should be like roofers at their business, Extremely careful when they're near the Eves. funnel on. Suage IT WOULDN'T WORK. Gentle philanthropist (to old darky belaboring a decidedly balky mule) —-"" You seem to be having trouble, uncle?” Uncle’ Rastus (wiping the per- spiration from his face) —“ Eh? Wat dat, ma-am? I ‘lows I is, lady. Trubble ain’ no name fob hit. Dis heah mule am sholy possess wif de debbil. Hit am ‘nuf toe mek a body’s haar riz wif disgust — hit pintedly am !” Gentle philanthropist (temon- stratingly) — “Why don’t you t-y kindness, uncle ?” Uncle *Rastus (pityingly)— “Hit won't wuck, ma’am; I's *bleeged toe rema’k dat hit sholy won't wuck. Long back I ust toe hab a mule dat bawk a heap wuss dan dis crittah ; an’ de pahson allus say, ‘Try kind’ess, brer, try kind- ‘ess,’ which he allus desure me am de k’rect plan, So one day dat Hewrrr— Jewerr mule up an’ bawk lak all possess. lawn-mower.” ITES. rt, a dance: Tis grace that always gets the chance. your way, WILLING TO LEARN. Crirrte Creek Jist—** By gum! these is the last hills I'd think o° prospectin’, Any luck ?” Proressox (of paleontolozy)—"* Yes, sir ; we've uncovered some highly interesting fossiliferous strata of the tertiary period containing remains of pterodactyls, mosasaurs, and a hyrachus.’ z CREEK Jim (fuseled) —"* Look here, are ye tryin’ to push me? _ I've prospected since ‘fort fore. How do they assay 7” ard. Is them new minerals, or -nine an’ never heerd of "em be- (The professor explains.) Now I t'inks dis am de k’rect time foh toe try dat kind’ doc’rin’. So I done lef’ de whip be an’ sung dat ‘ticler hymn, * We ‘uns ‘I camp a li'l while in de wilder- ness, an’ den we'll all go home.’ An’ I swar foh Moses I sat dar singin’ out ob kind’ess toe dat blame mule twill sun - down, when de beast gib a jump an® lupe off home lak Satan wah aftah him, W’en I gits dar I's nigh ‘bout tuck’ed out, but I's boun toe gib dat kind’ess doc'rin’ a good show, an’ I puts de mule in de bawn an’ gibs him twice as much hay as usual, an’ fix him up good foh de night.” Gentle philanthropist — “That was right, uncle; it w certainly much better for him than mistreatment.” Unele* Rastus (solemnly). “Stop, lady! [ain't fro yit. 1 4 No more walks to shovel off, old man." “I'd just as soon use a snow-shovel as a goes out to de bawn de next mawnin’ an’ opens de bawn- doah, an’ w'at yo’ tinks I find? Sho’ as yo’r bawn, dat mule wa'h daid—he pintedly wa‘h!" THE IRONY OF FATE THE times have been quite trying For farmer men of late, With army-worms, dry weather And a host of other things ; And words the farmer utters, In the irony of fate, Resemble a big bundle Of assorted hornet-stings. A jolly duck, however, Gathered just four loads of hay. Tasked where he would putso much, He answered me, ** Gol I've been thinkin’ and a-plannin ‘Thro’ the whole long summer day— I guess what I can’t stack out-doors T'll pat into the bar RANDALL NERPUS SAUNDERS. ' a! 2, SHE KNEW HIM. Mr. NewLywep—" This ish (hic) too eashy (hic)— knew I (hic) washn’t drunk.” comicbooks.com