Judge, 1897-05-29 · page 3 of 18
Judge — May 29, 1897 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's format: **"Calculated His Loss"** depicts a barber shop scene where a customer complains about a five-cent price increase, claiming he can't see where the money went on his face—satirizing penny-pinching customers during economic hardship. **"Free—With Expenses"** mocks religious hypocrisy, showing a preacher's claims that "gospel's free" while the collection box circulates, highlighting the disconnect between spiritual promises and financial demands on congregants. **"Reciprocity"** and the bicycle comics use wordplay and visual humor about everyday situations (wage increases, punctures). **"Decoration Day"** is a sentimental poem about Memorial Day observances. The page exemplifies Judge's mix of social commentary, religious satire, and genteel humor targeting middle-class American life, likely from the early 20th century.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Customer (indignantly)—* Why didn't you ask me if I wished bay-rum? Suage ne IN OMY RY). [SHAVE ‘Ste ———— CALCULATED HIS LOSS. Didn't you think I had five cents ?” Barwer—" It wasn't that, boss — I couldn't see where my profit on bay-rum at five cents was goin’ ter come in on your face.” FREE—WITH EXPENSES. $6 QOSPEL 's free—free to all dis congregashun,” said Brother Sparhawk, ‘an’ salva- tion ‘s free. Y' on'y got to walk right up an’ he'p yo'se'f, or call on me to gib yo’ som But when the collection-box was passed around there was a murmur of discontent, starting in the corner where sat the Venus chapter of the sisters of Mary and extending to the masculine pillars of the church. “ How yo’ reckon salvation ‘s free w'en yo" sergashiate de “lection-box roun’ de congrega- shun?” asked Mr. Smallwood. “Wy, it's dis way, frien’s. Dar'sa spring o' pure livin’ water way up de mountain, free—free toall. But dere’s pipin’ laid to bring dat water down whar yo" all can use it, an’ pipin’ costs money. Now de gospel fount am free, but de pipin’ am ‘spen- sive—an’ I'm de pipin’.”” WRLEN C. CANDEE. Wit BILL —"t Watch me stop the tenderfoot,” RECIPROCITY. * How much do you pay your typewriter 7” —"'Sh! Tused to pay ber fifteen dollars a week.” * Bat how much do you pay her now 2” —"'Sh! She allows me fifteen dollars a week, now—we're married.” Nevertire (the long-distance champion) —* Gee-whiz | T bet I will make a record - buster this time.” Nevertire —‘‘ This won't do—guess I must have a puncture.”” DECORATION DAY. ON THIS day every year in solemn thought we dwell On dear ones long since gone to * meads of Asphodel ” ; Not heroes only—who their lives in battle gave— For every heart bereft now deco- rates some grave Not so gay Gladys there. fair ob- ject of my dreams, Whose fine new Paris hat a flower garden seems, See how she pins my roses on her breast, sweet elf ! She has no memories—so decorates herself. JUDITH spencer. A CRITERION. Drummer — “That fellow, Lazenberry, lounging over there, is of very little account, isn’t he?” Squam Corners merchant— “Little account? Why, he’s so worthless that he’s the most ex- pert whittler in the village.” NEVERTIRE — “' Take me for a cow, will you? Well, you just stay up there a while,” comicbooks.co