Judge — May 8, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sudge A STINGING BLOW. THE RESTLESS HOUSE- es WIFE. THE benedict, proud over his first baby, Just settled in his home beside his love, Will smile upon his better-half— well, may be— To learn her mind is quite made up to move. HER OPPORTUNITY. He (sing to say good- night)—" Well, I really must go, Miss Caroline. I've enjoyed my- self immensel: 1, Mr. Hunrer—" My, but this is a find! As the wasps aston maid (with (rigid po- are evidently frozen I'll take it and hang it up in my garret for _liteness)—“" Really, I'm glad, I'm city visitors to admire.” sure. I have enjoyed you too.” ITS SPECIAL USE. SS WHY do you carry suchan expen- sive watch, Clingstone?” asked Perkasie. “A cheaper one would tell the time just as well.” “Quite true,” replied Clingstone; * but it would not pawn for so much,” A WISE PRECAUTION. “Guesh I'll take off m’ shoes (hic) an’ shrow shem up ahead of me, show ash not to wake m’ wife.” NEEDFUL PREPARATIONS. HERE, now, my will is made and I have that off my mind, The bureau-drawers are in order and the cioset-shelves dusted. Tell Mary to be sure to make bread fresh twice a week and not to boil the coffee. If anything happens tell my friends to forget my faults and remember a , ___ only my virtues. Iam thankful that the children are all large ters—all contortionists, 0-2. Poxentox peleig trates re Meson Fare nti enough to live without me if they should be obliged to. Fetch How does it happen that [11 commence by taking a few rounds out of his punching. ™me my cloak,’ the whole family learned — bag.— Thus spake the Boston lady, nor did her household this peculiar profession ?” wonder when she explained her- Manager (confidentially) —" They dropped into it self: naturally, You see they ail lived together for six years «kam going up town to do in a four-room flat and had to contort to keep out of a little shopping, and I am afraid, each other's it will be necessary for me to pass up Tremont street. If there is no explosion of gas from the subway I shall be back in an hour or two, or in time for din- ner.” ‘ PLAUSIBLE, Theatrical reporter “Whew! father, mother, three sons and four daugh- A SCOFFER AT THE SEANCE, The medium (wriumphantly, asa scratching noise is heard in the cabinet) —" Now if that isn’t spirits, what is it?” Voice (in the audience) } ——(Biff!) Thunder! What th’ dickens — “ Rats!" BEYOND DISPUTE. + *PJAVEN'T I seen you be- fore?" asked Fosdick after an introduction to Gazzam. “If you have ever seen me at all,” replied Gazzam, “ I think it must have been previously. END OF THE ARGU- MENT. Clara—"You may talk about your French descent as much as you please, but I am contented to be a plain Amer- PROGRESSION. ican” ss Exhibition fire-drill in the elephant quarters. Bolivar Marie—“ Well, let_us be playing the hose, thankful you are no plainer.” 4. —have I struck?”