Judge — May 8, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNEQUAL RIGHTS, N A public market at the busiest morn- ing hour a young housewife dictates to a clerk, who writes on an order-stub, “One package of cocoa, a jar of "—— She is touched on the arm from behind. “Oh, Mrs. Rathbone! How do you do?" They shake hands elaborately and fall to talking commonplaces. The clerk leans forward, “One jar of "—— “Oh, yes; of orange-marmalade.” Mrs. Rathbone starts. “ My dear Mrs. Miles, don’t. My little May was made very ill from eating orange-mar- malade once. I don’t believe the fruit was ever meant to be cooked.” The clerk coughs. Mrs. Miles ex- claims excitedly, “Vo orange marma- lade. How is May, anyway, my dear?” “LT must tell you all about her mysterious case; but it is a long story, so I will give you first, before I forget it, my new recipe for peach-marmalade, which you will like much better than the orange. You just take one pound of "—— Clerk interrupts. “Is this all of your order, madam?” “Of course not. I haven't got to olives yet. Why, here is ENTERPRISE. For those who are afflicted with the ‘* matinée-hero" craze, our brush-boy is prepared to meet all demands for souvenirs of the popular tenor. “With the very first day. Well, of all things! Look there! If the clerk who started to take my order isn't waiting upon somebody else.” She sweeps majestically toward the door. The clerk rushes forward, swathed in his most obse- quious manner. “Is there anything else, madam?" “Not in this place. I shall go where I can get waited upon.’ VIOLETTE MALL A NATURAL CONCLUSION. Sammy—* Oh, mamma! did you know our pig was deaf?” Mamma—* What makes you think so?” Sammy. ‘Cause I can’t make him hear ‘less I poke him with a stick.” RIGHT TO THE POINT. VS SS YWWHERE do all the pins go to?” said a Harlem girl ~ to her best beau when the talk about bicycles é ~ had lapsed into obnoxious disquietude. HUSBANDING THEIR RESOURCES. “I'm pretty sure I know where a million of them go,” Tux pRUMMER—" Do you mean to tell me there's a law protecting snakes in Dryazell he answered. county?” THE STORE-KEEFER—"*Sholy. _V'see, it's proh’bition, an’ ye've got tew hey a bony-fidy “Indeed? Why, where?” she asked with a start of snake-bite befo’ ye kin git a puhscription.”* surprise that made him withdraw his arm hastily from around her belt. Gazing ruefully at the brand-new scratches on his wrist, he pointedly Mrs, Turner. I must congratulate you at once on your son's engage- ment. Such a happy choice! But I haven't told either of you of my own __ replied, “ They go to wais bit of good news. Baby took his first step yesterday. We think his walk The next time he called she wore her brother's ulster. is just like an uncle on his father's side— a man who has been twice state senator and almost spoken of for president.” Chorus — * What an honor !* “Isn't it? Why, there is Laura Sey- mour! She's just been around the world (not in that hat, I hope). My dear Laura, how do”—— Clerk calls loudly, “How large a jar of olives did you say, madam?” “1 didn't say. Now, Laura Seymour, fo op mth tell us every word ee about your trip.” **T guess dis is a good pair ob queens toe open “But where shall de pot wid.” I begin?” A GLARING BUNCO, Uncie ELi—* Say, Ketury; these patent-leather pumps ye bought me is adern swindle. They won't even soffen up when a feller greases em wi’ neat’s- foot ile, b’gosh !" comicbooks.com