Judge, 1897-05-08 · page 4 of 16
Judge — May 8, 1897 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains multiple unrelated satirical sketches typical of Judge's format: **"Qualified"** mocks class pretension. A stern father objects to his daughter marrying a penniless youth without college credentials. She triumphantly reveals her fiancé graduated from "the Keeley institute"—a well-known institution for treating alcoholism. The joke: she's inadvertently proven he's a drunk, not accomplished. **"A Youthful Politician"** depicts a schoolboy manipulating his classmate into causing trouble (throwing pepper in a stove) to win a half-holiday—satirizing opportunistic political scheming in miniature. **Other sketches** include McGarvey's Irish-dialect wisdom sayings, an "optical alibi" (blind man joke), and brief comedic exchanges about food and courtship. The page also features Alice Nielsen, a contemporary actress, praised for her role in "The Serenade." The humor relies on class anxiety, ethnic stereotypes (Irish dialect), and domestic/romantic complications—standard Judge fare of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FAVORITES. ALICE NIELSEN AS ‘* YVONNR," IN '* THE SERENADE,” “The Serenade” will now be played From Boston to Hoboken ; And I'm afraid by you, sweet maid, Will many hearts be broken, If you keep on as you've begun— Pretty, piquante, petite Yvonne! JUDGMENTS FROM MR. MCGARVEY. SHURE, it’s th’ short lane thot has no turnin’ too, Many th’ young felly would be shmarter if he knew liss. It’s th’ single mon thot don’t know whin he’s will off till he’s married. h’ mon thot don’t do a thing whin he’s compilled to is gr-rea all there is t’ thot. . Love—ah, bejakers! thot's th’ only thing thot makes hot wither in th’ winter. Whin a crank’s talk- in’ politics t” yez ‘tis th’ bist way t' hear nothin’ ye're listenin’ to. Whin it’s milincholy Oi am, an’ thinkin’ av th’ owld toimes, ‘tis Th’ Shweet Boy an’ Boy” Oi'm afther loikin’ t' hear thot’ QUALIFIED. THE stern parent stood frowning within his ancestral halls, his fierce gaze bent upon his only child. The maiden shrank from the parental wrath, yet the blood of her sire spoke out in her continued —_resist- ance to his will. “Mad girl!" he thundered, “how can you thus defy me? If my com- mands and your own filial duty do not constrain you to give up this youth, let these ancestral portraits speak. These great and learned men and women, are they to be degraded by their degenerate de- scendant’s marriage with a penniless, ancestorless youth—not even a col- lege graduate " “Hold, sir! cried the maiden imperiously. A YOUTHFUL POLITICIAN, Tommy (to classmate in disgrace)—"* Wey Chimmie ; yer in ter get licked anyway. ‘T’row dis red pepper in- ter de stove an’ win a half-holiday fer us." “You say that Julius Augustus is not a college graduate. Let me in- form you that he was graduated from one of the most widely-known institutions in the whole land.” What mean you, girl?” inquired the stern father. “What college graduated him?” “Father,” she re- plied proudly, “a place where the élite of our ‘on th’ ‘cordian, DAVID M, TALMADGE, Proressox —' AN OPTICAL ALIBI. | Kinp tapy — ** Poor fellow ! I presume that there is not | a solitary consolation in your afiliction.”” Only one, generous lady." nd, pray, what may that one be?” BLIND MaN —"' Dat I can't be accused by any of de talent of lookin’ fer work, lady.” \ | his weight in gold. NO REAL SUSTENANCE IN IT, Miss WarrLes—"* What's the longest time you ever got along without food?” T once lived three days on my wife's cooking. “Bless you, my daughter, for your business acumen ! Come to my arms !" CHOLLY. a 1z—"* Yes, doncherknaw —I was courting an—aw—young lady in a consery- \ atory, lawst evening, when her—aw—fawthaw came in and gave me a rare old plant.” land have been glad togo. He was graduated from the Keeley institute !" ‘The youth is worth CAUSE OF THE LIMP. * Beg pawding, deah fellah—yaw seem to be—aw—limping this mawn- ing, doncherknaw !" Gi comicbooks.com