Judge — March 13, 1897 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Photo. by Schloss. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. CLARA LIPMAN AS If all the girls of Paris Were clever and vivacious As is, it might embarrass helr best and most audacious To achieve a run like yours at Herald Square, LITTLE GRAFT. “THE GIRL PROM PARIS.” are, Clara, they would keep "em there. wiape 5 WHICH WAY? THE beautiful young girl, the pampered darling of society, lay at the point of death. A few days before she had attended a ball in her first décolleté dress. She had caught cold and pneumonia had set in. The most noted physicians of the day had been called in consultation, but their efforts were of no avail. She died and had a funeral magnificent enough to be chroni- cled in the newspapers in both picture and story. When she awoke she found herself on the threshold of a new world. She was standing midway on the longest flight of stairs she had ever seen. It went up and up until its top was lost in thin air, and down, down until it was buried in black space. As she stood there a kindly-looking man whom she recognized as Saint Peter walked down toward her, while in the op- posite direction she saw the figure of Satan rapidly mounting the steps below her. Saint Peter reached her first and, with a wave of his keys, invited her to follow him. “What have you up there?” asked the young society girl. Saint Peter looked at her intently, as if sizing her up to see which of his posses- sions would prove most attractive to her. “We have an ice-cream parlor,” said the good man, “with a soda- fountain combined.” — A BUSINESS FIZZLE, * Who was dat suicide de boys planted yesterday ?” Dave—"A tenderfoot dat opened up an umbrella-store here.” A smile lit up the face of the girl and she was about to mount the stairs on her upward journey when Satan barred her way with his pitchfork. “Before you decide to go hear what I have to offer,” said the prince of darkness. “Tell me what it is?” asked the girl hesitatingly. “ T've never been able to keep ice-cream in stock in my establishment,” replied Satan with a meaning smile, “but I can offer you the attractions of "— here Satan cast a look of triumph at his old business rival—“a bargain-counter.” The smile that had been on the society girl's face gave place to an expression of indecision. She went up three steps, then turned and went down six, only to turn again and go up three. Saint Peter looked triumphantly at Satan and Satan looked triumphantly at Saint Peter. With indecision marked on every feature the girl stopped when she reached the place where she had originally stood and bent her head in deep thought. Wandering Willie —" Well, pard, dis is de season o° sackcloth an’ ashes, w'en de nabobs make deir worldly sacrifices.” Weary Ragyles —" Es far es I kin see, old boy, I don’t tink dey'te givin’ up more dan usual.” ““WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS.” HOW, long should lovers know Each other ere they marry 2— Wait till they know each other And they'll forever tarry. JAMES JAY O'CONNELL. A SCARED REPTILIAN. Door-keeper—" What was that awful row in the museum this afternoon?” Manager—" The boa-constrictor got loose and wandered out among the spectators, and thought he had ‘em again.” BLISSFUL IGNORANCE. Hacketr—"*I tell you, it’s too bad, the way Philadelphia gets roasted in the papers.” Sackes—"* Oh, well, Philadelphia people don't know anything about it ; they don't read the papers.” THE FAVORITE, TL r the lover feels his cup Of joy o'erflows the brim When she grows pious and gives up Her other beaux for him, LAST PICK. Miss Pincher (who has been carving the chicken) —“ Mr. Hallrom, what part of the chick- en do you prefer?” . Hallrom (vashtully, glancing at the platter) —" I—1- think I'll have a piece of the neck, Miss Pincher.” Star boarder (devouring his portion, complacently) — “ It’s ‘neck or nothing,’ eh, Hallrom ?” OBLIGING, Firstnicut (in theatre, to lady in front)—"* Madam, it THE CIRCASSIAN BEAUTY (from Goober's museum)—'* Cert! is impossible for me to see the stage. Will you be kind Anything to oblige a gent.” enough to remove your hat?” comicbooks.com