Judge, 1897-02-20 · page 3 of 16
Judge — February 20, 1897 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Page 115 This page contains multiple satirical pieces targeting social behavior and gender relations of the era. **"Paternal Admonition"** depicts a disheveled man warning his son about the dangers of loose living—a moral lecture on vice and respectability. **"Four in One"** is a sentimental poem about romantic devotion, using flowery Victorian language about a sweetheart's eyes and virtues. **"His Desire"** shows a man reluctant to help his country cousin with manual labor, preferring leisure. **"Decisions Handed Down"** discusses marriage cynically as a process where women lose independence, treating matrimony as a legal obstacle requiring compromise. The other sketches mock social pretense ("Ought Not to Need It") and domestic naming disputes ("Complain"). Overall, the page satirizes Victorian courtship conventions, class anxieties, and marriage's constraints on women's autonomy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
pg _ ah ‘ i PATERNAL ADMONITION. UNctE Ape (sfernly)—'" [ tells yo’, Hennery, youse makin’ a bad staht in life. A man doan’ min’ miss a fowl ‘casshunly, but w'en he wakes up an’ fin's de whole flock missin’ he’s laikly ter mek trubble, Ef youse gwine ter ac’ in sech a dis‘on'able mannah a: yo’ had bettah stop ‘ntirely, A man dat ‘propriates moah dan one fowl at er tahm kain’t ‘xpect ter be a consistent Christian an’ a respected membah ob de chu'cl FOUR IN ONE, SHIFTLESS man was Farmer Snacker, He spent his time a-smoking "baccer. Together he worked a mule and a cow, , And never read the news, nohow. HIS DESIRE. t Mr. Citysmith (enter- @ taining his country cousin at dinner) — “This is a canvas-back duck, Jay. Which portion si to?” Jay Green (confidently)—" Wa-al, you kin gimme a strip of the canvas, I guess.” OUGHT NOT TO NEED IT. First kip —"'I tell you that india-rubber man is a fake.” SECOND KID —"* What do you mean ?* BROWN curls that toss this way and that, Red lips and smiling eyes, Soft, dimpled hands that roses twine, Or tease, and squeeze, and plague the cat. 1 fully sympathize, my playmate valentine, The flying years have brought a grace ‘That crowns thy womanhood ; Thy hands still hold this heart of mine. I may some day win Cupid’s race— A bashful lover's mood, my sweetheart valentine. DECISIONS HANDED DOWN. LOVERS idealize, friends under- stand; but both forgive. There is only one way of treating an obstacle—make it a stepping-stone. Marriage is the process by which a woman deprives herself of an escort. The combina- tion of native meanness with large opportunity is rare, but not too rare. If possession be nine points of the law, hanging to those nine tike grim death is the other one. There are three problems man is destined never to solve; perpetual motion, the square of the circle, and the ‘Thine eyes will light the path of pain, ‘Thy lips for me will pray, Thy virtues round my life shall twine, And so, I trow, I live again, All hail the coming day, my love, my valentine! If from some wondrous heavenly bloom Thine eyes shall smile on me My faith will answer that sweet sign, A song ere long will part the gloom, And faithful eyes shall see, my angel valentine. KAM. ROR, A CONFLICT. ave you named your boy yet?” Spoxes—* No; my wife and I can’tagree. She wants to name him after her wheel and I want to name him after mine,” First kip —'* When he goes out in the rain he wears a heart of a woman, mackintosh.”” MYRTLE REED, comicbookscen