Judge — January 9, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHISTLING DICK. JUST as far as you could hear him, Which was something like a mile, You could tell as well as near him All his hopes and fears the while. His barometer a ballad, His thermometer a trill ; Each was testimony valid Of his present good or When I heard ** Kathleen mavourne:n” Slow!y rolling down the street Well I knew things looked forlorn in Richard’s house, with naught to eat. If some venture had not paid him— Over life was hung a pall— Every sobbing note betrayed him, Whistling “*Af-ter-the-ball.” ape Dick for years was relegated Toa strict celibacy ; But the breathless village waited ‘As he whistled ‘ Sweet Marie.” Who can whistle like a lover, Or express such awful woe? ‘And he wailed, hop-picking over, * Pat me off at Buffalo.” Thus when war assailed our nation Dick was never in the story ; But he whistled in ovation Loudly, ‘* Garryowen and glory.” “When this cruel war is over” Lifted many a load of care, And oer father, lover, brother Softly breathed ** The vacant chair.” Other warblers, chilled and saddened, In the autumn took their fight ; But our whistler stayed and gladdened Village streets now clothed in white, Garden-beds were deeply drifted, Cottage lights were in eclipse ; Still some merry tune uplifted From his blue but puckered lips. When he died he had full knowl edge, And arranged it in his will That he'd be sawed up in college For a fifty-dollar bill. “Ten tall students in procession, To the graveyard then shall draw me, Whistling pat to the occasion, * Oh, just tell them that you saw me.’ ALT, WORDEN, AN ELOPEMENT. Tourist—" My good woman, did you see a bicycle pass a few mo- ments ago?” Country matron—" Naw, 1 didn’t see any kind of a sickle, mister; but jest a while back I saw a wagon-wheel a-runnin’ away with a man.” Tourist—" Ha, ha, ha!” Country matron— You kin believe it or no. seen it mysell.”” I wouldn’t if I hadn't AMBIGUOUS. _ Mr. Clunk (Joking up from his would bea little more explicit in their publication of the news. paper)—“'I wish these newspapers Here it says that old Totterly, who has been under the care of three physicians for a fortnight, is now out of danger.” Mrs. Clunk: Mr, Clunk ? Why, surely that is plain enough.” How is the uninitiated reader to know whether the invalid is on the high road to recovery, or dead and out of the reach of the doctors?” “Well, Johnny, here is the quarter for that scrap- book you have been teasing for.” Johnny and the “ scrap"-book, FOOT-BALL AFTERMATH. YALE MAN—"* My dear fellow, shake! I thank you heart- ily for the gouging you gave me in the last game, You don't know half the furor I've been creating among the ladies.”” NOT A BAD DEFINITION. oe I NSANITY,” says Davie the oracle, “is a d'sease what makes a man think his dreams is comin’ true all the time.” READY TO ACCOMMODATE, FatHer—" Willie, | want you to understand that it pains me and grieves me terribly to punish you, but "— BAD Boy (from next door, looking if it goes so agin yer grain ter lick him, nuthi ter do it fer yer.” ished window)—" Say, guv'ner, wud give me more pleasure dan YVETTE GUILBERT. MANZELLE YVETTE, your chan- sonette Ees very décolletée. We just pretend to comprehend Ze naughty things you say. Your pretty face, your chic and grace, Hold momentary sway. And then we blush and bid you “ Hush!"— After you've gone away. ONLY NATURAL. Maud—" What makes you think Major Dulwit is in the signal service?” May—" Because whenever he ap- pears the conversation flags.”” PROFESSIONAL JEALOUSY. HE recent butterfly exhibition at the American art galleries presented a beauteous rainbow-array of the fairy- like ephemerz. While the show at- tracted gnat-uralists, bug-sharps, and various other ologists, society ignored it, and the belles and beaux cut it dead. comicbooks.co