Judge — December 12, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sige AT -THE LIARS’ CLUB. ROTHER THINSHANK tells an interesting story of an Eng- lishman and a Frenchman who held a unique conversation across the English channel. Brother Legless Jones reports that during the war there were half a score of regiments in the army of the Potomac that were known as the ten commandments. Brother Francisco tells a story of California life; how a fire broke out in the mountains and burned the Sacramento river until it separated into two parts. The ranchmen carried water in pails in order to splice the stream and get it to running again. Brother Dressuit relates the story of a nightmare. He came home from a dance, put his shoes on a chair near the stove, and fell asleep as he sat warming his feet. He dreamed the house was on fire, and awoke just as he was being strangled to death by the smoke. The stove was red-hot, the chair was on fire, and his shoes were run down, at the heels, WILL M, CLEMENS. HIS GAME, 66 PAPA must be awful fond of whist,” said Dorothy, “ ‘cause whenever he comes home late an’ I'm awake an’ mamma 's asleep he says it.” ——=. A GRIEVOUS INSULT. Cotonet. SwiLson (of Kentucky)—"* 1 hey bin grossly insulted, suh, by ouah mayor to-day.” Major Bourson—" How so, kuhnel ?” COLONEL SWILSON (indignantly)—** He hed th’ effront'ry, ‘suh, t' ask me t’ suhve as a membah of th’ watah-works boahd.” HIS QUEER ADVENTURE. +*}{AD a queer adventure last evening,” said he musingly. “What was it?” asked the other he. “Sat at the theatre behind a beautiful girl whose immense feath- ered hat shut out the stage completely.” “And you call that remarkable?” “stood it during one act, just because she was so beautiful—and charming, too, as I saw by the way she talked to the man beside her. But when the second act began "— “You went out and lost your two-dollar seat, all for a woman's vanity and insolence. And this is the unselfish sex!" “Wait; I'lltell you. I did nothing of the kind. 1 leaned forward NO MISNOMER. and, with a humble apology for the request, asked if she would be so pigSTAR BOARDER" What might you cll the particular breed of this—er—er— good as to remove her hat. chicken 2 And she turned her beautiful gray eyes Mas. Fuint—" That, sir, is a genuine Plymouth rock.” upon me and “— STAR BOAKDER—"* How very appropriate !” “Oh, I know!" burst out the other he. “Gave you a stony glare for your impudence. Such heartless women have no thought for any one’s comfort but their own.”” “She turned her charming gray eyes upon me and said, * Certainly. I'm so sorry you did not remind me sooner. You must have missed so much of the first act.’ What do you think of that?” “It's impossible!” “Well, that's just what makes it so queer— it’s true.” NECESSARILY AUDIBLE, oe HAT a loud dress WwW Mrs. Jaysmith has on!" “Yes; it is ornament- ed with accordion trim- ming.” IT MADE HIM BLUSH. Wire—"* I should think you'd be ashamed of your- som ETOIMES Oi've self—getting a little boy like that to do your snow-shov- sht ‘twor th’ eling.” y ; thought ‘twor th’ most ANTI-SLIDE. Husnaxn—"'It doesn’t seem right, with an able. ignorant payple thot , knows th’ most. OUNNIE (on first view of new-home, and in deep disgust)—* Th bodied bicyclist like you in the house.” J fi of cp disgust) architec’ who made th’ design fer this stairway must uev never bin a boy.” comicbooks.com