Judge — December 5, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

lo ECHOES OF ELECTION, 1. This is the man who agreed to walk down the street and kiss the first woman he met if his candidate for congress was defeated. JUDGMENTS FROM MR. MC GARVEY. HURE, if a dog hadn't a tail he cudn’t shpake a wurd. Phwat is th’ politickle sitivation, is it? It’s phwat we're all after, me b’y. It’s no matther how much a felly troies, he can’t succade in loife widout troyin’. Some harses is loike some women— yez must say “back up” whin yez wants ‘emt’ go ahid. ‘Th’ liquid shwateniss av a gurl's oyes is nothin’ t’ th’ liquid shwateniss av her lips—whin it i . HIS KIND OF CENTURIES. se JONES is a great bicycler. He likes to make centuries.” “ Century rides?” “No; century talks.” APPROPRIATE, IFE is an awful bore. (This remark is com- monplace enough, usual- ly; but in this instance it was uttered by a well- driller.) 2. The man who promised to wear his wife's clothes for a week in the event of McKin- ley's election. Imagination is th’ great thing. Shure, wid it a felly kin be as wilthy as th’ Vanderbilts—but it don’t go at th’ carner grocery. NOT ALTOGETHER SINGLE. DAVID M. TALMADGE. He—"You say the man is not married and yet he is not altogether single. How can that be?” She—" Why, easy enough. The man is a united Presbyterian.” HIS CHANCE, Mr. Timid has always wanted to learn to ride a wheel, but until the heavy snow came never had the courage to try, for fear of falling, S THE BIG ROCK. FRoM chaos Nature had wrought a resting-place for the sole of her foot. The fire had retreated like a wild beast driven to its cavern and the lurid mists had dispersed. The water had receded to its channels, 3. The man who promised to eat the worst old crow that could be found McKinley was elected. IN THE BUNCO BUSINESS HIMSELF. Cocuin Cuina WEN (symepati weeps! your nest,” if singly)—"* 1 feel so sorry for Farmer Heystak, our master. See how he tears his hair and st week a stranger sold him an elegant gold brick, and he has just discovered that it is brass."" ‘ Cocuin Ciixa KoostEx—" Waste no sympathy on him, mine own. Think of the many times he has placed a china egg in the sun had waxed ardent in the heavens, and the archi- tecture of the palace Beautiful began to reveal itself against the sky. Nature drew breath, and as she viewed the work her love had wrought her sigh swept throughout the sym- pathetic forest. She was alone in her habitation. Ina favored spot was a rock graved with the history of a tempestuous reign. Seamed by fire, cracked by frost, it lay like a scar on the bosom of the peaceful valley. Nature had tried to con- ceal it, first by an arm of the water, then by a texture of green. But the river with- drew its arm and the green withered and dried. “Never mind,” said Nature, a flash of inspira- tion lighting the ages be- fore her; “let it stay for the children to play on.” KATHRINE GROSJEAN, VERY DOUBTFUL. $6] AM hopeful that you will pay me that ten dollars before the end of the week, Smithson.” “That's right, old man. Be hopeful, but don’t be sanguine.” THE EXCEPTION. sspye YOU think that all matches are made in heaven?” “Yes; except those made at the seashore.” QUITE CORRECT. . *AM T doing it right?” said the pupil at the dancing-academy. “Yes,” replied the professor; “that is the Proper caper.” comicbooks.com I