Judge — November 14, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE DUDE AND THE BRONCO. A DEFERRED CURE. AT had been ailing a long while, and as month after month passed away and he was still unable to move about with his ac- customed freedom he began to chafe under the restraint. The doctor had come to the conclu- sion that he was a uape HE REASONED FROM ANALOGY. . syou are an enthusiastic fisherman.” Two travelers had been riding together in the same seat in a railway-car, and they had fallen into a pleasant conversation. This had continued for some time when the remark with which this narration of fact opens was made by one of the men, The other locked intensely surprised and pres- ently asked, “ Are you a mind-reader?” “Oh, no.” “Then I cannot account for that remark of yours. We are perfect strangers to each other— natives of widely separat- ed states. We never met | until an hour or two ago. We have talked on several subjects, but not once did our conversation turn to fishing, although it is true, as you said, that I am an enthusiastic fisherman. I cannot imagine what can did it?” LUBRICATION, Having seen to his “ball” bearings, the cyclist got his “oiler” in order and carefully “oiled” the “inner” parts of the * frame.” have led you to make that remark or to form such a conclusion. It is true that I have told you several stories of adventure, but I do not remember telling you any of my fishing experiences. One such did not get into our conversation accidentally, : “T thought not. Now, my friend, will you be so good as to tell me on what you based your remark about my being an enthusiastic chronic invalid, for all his favorite prescriptions had failed of the desired result, But he was a very sympathetic man, and every time Pat made one of his periodical visits the doctor tried his best to encourage him. “Why,” he would say, “you are a hundred per cent. better than when I saw you last;” and ‘as Pat would shake his head doubtfully the doc- tor would continue, “That's right, Pat. Nearly every day some friend of yours stops me in the street to tell me how much better you are look- ing.” At last Pat grew tired of hearing of the im- provement which he failed to feel, and he put a stop to the doctor's jollying by remarking,“ Begorra! if Oi ape an improvin’ at this rate, be th’ toime Oi git will Oi'll hov died av ould age.” HE HAD SEEN MODERN ILLUSTRATIONS. Sunday-school teacher —" Where did Adam and Eve go when they were driven out of the garden of Eden?" Bobby—" Oh, they got a job posing for poster-pictures.” You guessed it, pop. I'm just that thing.” JAMES JAY O'CONNELL fisherman?” “Tl tell you if you will promise not to be offended.” “1 promise.” “T noticed that you were such an exuberantly nat- ural liar, WILLIAM HENRY SIVITRR, THE NEW..POKER. Scribbler — Have you seen my new book?" Readly—" No, my boy. The usual novel, I sup- pose; full of hearts and queens and kings and dia- monds galore.” _ Seribbler—“Ab, you wrong me, old man. My new : book is a technical work— a treatise, an essay, a drawing card, my boy. I call it ‘American poker as she is poked.’ A FINANCIER, Soited Hooks—"\t 1 live a few years longer I expect t' die a rich man.” Seldum Fedd—" How yer goin’ t’ work it? Soiled Hooks—"W'y, look at de money I'm sav- in’ by not buyin’ soap.” 4 JUDGMENTS FROM 1] MR. MCGARVEY. mw [vs wisdom a man has ‘ whin he foinds he hasn't it. Hiven bliss th’ felly thot smoiles whin he's croyin’ wid graif. A great many min hov bin kilt in dools, but none av thim doied, $ Bad ‘cess t* th’ felly thot shlaps payple’s faces behoind their backs. Niver judge a man boy his looks, me b'y; judge him boy th’ looks av his woman. DAVID M. TaLaaDce. comicbooks-com