Judge — September 12, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

166 BY FAR TOO LITERAL. LITTLE Evelyn Jones went with ber mother the other day to make a call upon a neighbor whose niece had recently died. In offering her condolences Mrs. Jones said, among other things, that “the good die young,” and that it seemed as if the bad and useless people lived on indefinitely, while those who were of real use <n the world were the first to be taken. That night, when Evelyn was saying her prayers, her mother was somewhat surprised to hear her depart from the usual form and in conclusion supplicate, “And now, dear God, won't you please make me a bad and useless little girl, and mamma and papa and little brother too, so we can go on living forever and ever? Amen.” ANOTHER VICTIM. +s RINKLEY has stopped talking on the silver question.” “Yes; he’s completely unthunk.” A FAMILIAR PHIZ. ss] WAS up t' York ‘bout a week,” said Uncle Ivigteen, relating his experiences to the group at the corner grocery, an’ th’ only famil'ar face I saw was on a sody-fount'in.” SERENE SIMPLICITY. “Hey, mister! come out here quick. I'm caught by the undertow.” Pat—* Phwy th’ divil didn't yez kape yer shoes an an’ yez wudn’t hov bin caught be th’ toe?" JUDGMENTS FROM MR. MCGARVEY. Pur E loie. It’s th hoighest winds thot shcoop th’ dirt frum th’ lowest places. Sometoimes whin a great felly saves th’ day ivirything ilse is a total loss intoirely. It's overdone complately, th’ paper businiss is, whin a felly gits a Sunday paper iviry day in th’ wake, Scoience is th’ great thing. Shure, wid th’ X-ray machine a felly can be afther seein’ th’ back av his own nick. Loight do thravel fast. Br-r-r-r! loike thot. Th’ felly wor niver born loively enough t’ put his hand over a hole so quick thot th’ sunbame didn’t git out. Jarsey crame—Thot's jist a bit av a whoite 2 A SLOW TEAM. AN INNOCENT BLUNDER Passenger (in a hurry)—" If you drive fast, so STRANGER (in Dakota)—"* How did that—er—fatality occur?" that I can catch the next train, I'll give you half a Eaxcess Eppir—* W'y, yer see, stranger, ‘twas a quaint little mistake on de part uv Tornado Bill. dollar.” We've j < st built a new hospital. yer know, an’ de boys wuz naterally impatient ter git somebody inter it, a an’ Bill, jest ter help ‘em out, plugged dis chappie full uv lead, not knowin’ in his innercence dat dere Car-driver—* Shure, sor, you had best take wuz any difference between a hospital an’ a morgue.” th’ car behoind me. Oi've a durn shlow tame.” | | A S it . . Uncie St—"* Jerusalem the golden! How in UNcLK SI" Pay at the desk, eh ?* peenee the land o' livin’ did [ ever crack my head agin that lamp ‘way up there?" THE ADJUSTABLE LAMP THAT WAS LEFT TOO LOW. . 1 comicbooks.com , o |