Judge — September 12, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OVE’S FINANCIAL SCHOOL. She said, “* I'm only just sixteen, But, George, I'd like to know What all these funny phrases mean, ‘Men bandy to and fro— * Free silver,’ * Parity with gold,’ And what gold-bugs have done ; And will you kindly just unfold What means * Si ixteen to one’? “+ My dear,” said George, and took her band, “Those terms { can't explain. Some people read up Horr and Rland Wefore they get insane, But make that last term * Sweet sixteen To one,’and that one me ; Then I will vote for it, my queen, To all eternity.” AT, WoRDRA. A WICKED FABRICATION. Mr. Findout—" Mrs. Bizzybuzz, | have called this morning to inquire if you have been making criticising remarks about my attentions to Miss Amanda Waite.” Mrs. Bissybusz—"1?. Criticising remarks? Certainly not—never Mr, Findout— Did you say at the last ladies’ sewing-circle that if I had serious intentions toward Miss Waite I ought to speak out, as she had no time to lose, and that it was no kindness to her to set people gossiping at her expense?” Mrs, Bizzybuzz (indignantly)—" | never said anything of the sort. I should think that you would know that I respect both you and ’Manda too highly to either utter or repeat such scandalous gossip. Mr. Findout—Can you recall exactly what you déd say?” Mrs. Bizzybusz (promptly) —" Of course I Ttold Mrs. Deacon Skrew that you were callng pretty steadily on ‘Manda, and that if you intended to marry her you ought to let it be known. I said such atten- tions hurt a girl, especially a girl of ‘Manda’s age, more than they bene- fited her, unless they were serious, because people were sure to talk. That is every word I said. And how one ever could fabricate such a story and carry it to you beats my comprehension.” _ MADRLINE S ARIDGRS, PROSPECTIVE GUE: SUMMAR-HOTFL PROPRIETOR—"* Ves. sir; there's half a dozen ladders right in that wood.shed. AN AURICULAR DIFFICULTY. ++ LLAD we not better turn up the gas a bit?” inquired the deaf-and-dumb fellow of his girl, “It's getting so dark I can't hear you.” VERDICT ACCORDINGLY. Coroner —" You say the deceased fell {rom a filty-foot wall, How did it happen?" Witness —" Well, yez see, somebody sed, ‘Look down t’ th’ bottom, « Moike; there do be a foine-lookin’ woman goin’ by.’ An’ he looked too sud- Nuw Pastor —"*Good-mornin’ ! Dis am Mrs. Ketchum, 1 beliebe? ‘int #n” fell over, yer honor Lam jes" makin’ a few calls toe git acquainted wif mah new flock. Coroner—"Ab, just as 1 thought. Same old story—a woman at the Mrs. Ketcuum—** Sit down, pahson. an’ maik yo'self toe home " bottom of it.” rah, Matildy. Marthy, Hannah, Susan, Penelope, Melindy, toria, Abraham. Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Samuel. John, (ieo ge Wash. ull mine, pahson ; ail mine.” LEGERDEMAIN IN BLACKVILLE. comicbooks.com | |