Judge — September 5, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN KANSAS. D Popley was caught in the storm and struck by lightning last night.” “Why, 1 saw him this morning.’ “Oh, it didn’t hurt him much. His whiskers were wet and the bolt ran off into the ground." A CUTE BOY. Reginald— “ There is one word in the English lan- guage that is spelled atrociously.” Reginald's sis- A MORAL LESSON FOR PRAC- fer—“What is TICAL JOKERS. that?" SAGE ADVICE, 1, SMALL Bov—"' Ha, ha, ha! That's Reginald— NEAK-SIGHTED FARMER JoneS—"'T reckon th’ crops don't amount ter much round here, a good joke on pa, I've tacked his slip. , ly." do they 7" pets to the floor.” ‘Atrociously. OFFicer—"Crops 7" Farmer Jones—" Yeh. I see th’ hire off, I kin tell ye.” ALOW, my babe, lie still and sleep— Balow, my babe, balow ! Dada his vigil will near you keep— ‘That's right, balow ! Ma’ma is off with the mothers’ band, The colonial dames, Sorosis, and The married bachelor girl The sisters of manly exerci The womanly-pantaloons guild ; also The league of the anti-calico, The golfess club, and furthermore The alliance to tax the bachelor ; ‘The tennis tournament, together With the woman's bureau for picnic weather ; ‘Tne cooking-school for men, withal The meet of the darning-basket ball : ‘The beefsteak pounders’ clan, as well As the brotherhood of the dinner-bell ; ‘The mangirl phalanx, not to mention The woman.sufrage state convention, ‘The female brotherhood of man, And the manny sisters caravan ; 2. But pa overheard the remark and, to point a J. men waterin’ th’ streets an’ hoein’ th’ streets most all th’ time, but they'll never grow nothin’ on th’ streets ‘less they keep th’ pesky waggins THE NEW LULLABY. ‘The female knights of Pythias, too. And the woman's club of the old and new ; The confraternity of dames ; The league for changing men’s maiden names ; The female sons of Malta, eke The cycle circle of belt and breek ; The grand old women of twenty-nine ; The female academy of design Some club for reading, singing, thinking ; For sleeping, waking, eating, drinking ; For tiding. driving, running. walking For working, resting, listening, talking : Something or other from Maine to Texas ‘To occupy women of both sexes ; Something to do, or not to do— Balow, my babe, lie still, balow ! Dada is watching here by you; He can't get away if he wanted to, For ma‘ma is wearing his pantaloo— Balow, my babe, thy mother’s the queen, Hush-a-bye, baby—thy father is green ! KOBRRT J. BURDATTE: moral— | % t \ ; ; PN Oe 3. —turns the joke upon his son. |, ip SHE DESCRIBES A SWELL TURNOUT. ‘ A eel Vasil ARGIE returned from her walk one morning with big eyes ENOUGH A FEAST. still expressing wonder. “Oh, dear!" she said, clasping her hands ; “it was ze boofulest tarriage painted wiz ‘ootin'-dlass an’ ze horses tied on wiz sunshine.” wid me?" I've went up aginst on de route.” Sanp¥—"* Say, Myles, will yer ‘ stand’ fer goin’ ter Cuba an’ joinin’ de {reebooters MyLesy—" Nit! I ain't hardly able ter stand now from de effecks uv de free bootin’ comicbooks.com