Judge — September 5, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

148 a A SWINDLE, +sPRETTY good joke on Sim- pley.” “ What was it?” “He sent four dol- lars to an advertiser for a patent pocket fire-escape and receiv- ed in return a twenty- cent copy of the new testament.” A SAGE CON- CLUSION. Johnny—" 1 think I know why corn grows on a cob instead of in a pod.” Papa—" W' Johnny —" Be cause a pod wouldn't hold so much corn.” FORTUNATE, HAVE. nothing against the pop- “Copyright by B. J. Falk. sy UDC FAVORITES, PEPIN, ELLSLER. best! nor shall we soon forget with all her maiden graces. ‘changetul scenes, midst unfamiliar faces. Which proves that, having so survived the play. The charm was yours, and dwells with you to-day FAMILY SKELETON. IEF used to darn the baby’s hose ee a my own at call; yours truly too, Kut now she doesn’t da all she wheels by night 04 friends “If you had you couldn’t collect it.” yi * hours and hours; yet * hasn't tea ned! the proper way ‘Yo lift her bi rs out the wet UP TO DATE. Miss Advance ° Why, mam did you know that’ Harriet Beecher Stowe was dead ?* Mamma Gener: 4 c “Dear me! yes; and aut too.” kKIGHT ON “Oh, dear! [do wish a foreign nobleman would come along.” Tar. Miss ven nee Koxs WAITER (ohsegurous/e)—"" AL your service, ladies, COMMON EXPRESSION ADAPTED TO ‘The Viscount Spaghetti would be pleased to take your + Suape A YOUNG OBSERVER. Lirtie Ernet— Do you tell fibs, Mrs. Gossip, same as my ma docs?" Mrs. Gossip (al cars)—"* Hush! What makes you think your ma tells fibs, Ethel ?" Lirtie Eriei—" Why, every time you leave she says to you, "I hope you'll call again. POLITICAL POINTERS. JER bet your money early in the campaign. You may have a chance of losing it at better odds. Never work for a candidate with a poor memory. Never argue politics with # fool unless you're a fool yourself, It takes a fool to vanquish a fool. Never write letters during the cam- paign. Documentary evidence is hard to lie down. Never run for office unless your character will stand the witness-box test. POKER. A man who has a good "deal to “* put up” with, Sever vote for a candidate who speaks involved sentences. to have an involved head. ‘ever vote for a man whose horse stops when he says “Get up” He is sure Never become too enthusi- astic in praise of your rival. It's good christianity, but poor poli- tics. People may take you at your word. Never vote for an individual whose wife is president of the local woman-suffrage club. Never follow a leader who is invariably consistent. Con- sistency may be a jewel, but politicians are not jewelers. HDWAKD CLAYTON SAVAGE. DEAR, DEAR! THE strong man shook with Paine. (Paine was a friend whom he hadn't seen for years.) AT THE ANNUAL MEETING. O'Hookey (alter «heated discussion) —" Gintlemin av th’ school-boord, Oi do make a mo- tion thot we aither kape th’ ould ders.” teacher or hoire th’ new wan,” . | comicbooks.com