Judge, 1896-09-05 · page 3 of 16
Judge — September 5, 1896 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page 147 This page contains several satirical pieces from Judge magazine (a late 19th/early 20th-century humor publication): **"What He Would Do"** depicts a young man home from college bragging about football achievements to his skeptical father, who suggests the son use his brain for work instead—satirizing privileged college athletes and parental exasperation. **"Plebeian Luxury"** is a poem mocking class pretensions, preferring humble pleasures to ruling society. **"The Darkey and the Cheese"** appears to be a dialect humor story featuring racial stereotypes common to period American comedy, involving a grocer's employee and crackers. **"Brotherly Conduct"** shows a domestic dispute where a man objects to his sister's "unladylike" proposal—satirizing gender role expectations. The page reflects typical Judge content: social commentary through class and gender humor, alongside period racial caricature.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
iy! Hh wy \ ! WHAT HE WOULD Do, Tie son (home from college)—"* Yes, mother, I'm getting along finely. I've been playing ‘half-back’ with the college team and beating everything that came along.” THe FATHER (disgustedly)—"* Wa-al th’ fust thing thet I’ll do, now thet ye're home, will be ter git yer ha'r cut, so's it ‘Il give yer brain a chance ter work a bit an’ yer eyes ter see a straight furrer—then /'// give ye a chance ter play ‘whoa back’ with th’ ‘home team.’ Re Darkey —" Well, boss, dis yer's a mighty fine store and yo's J amighty fine man and dem was mighty fine crackers, but I ‘clar to de Lawd, boss, dat was de most ransomest cheese I eber taste!" PLEBEIAN LUXURY. WHEAT penalties must greatness pay to guard a simple name ! Ob, Dignity, what sacrifice in self-defense you claim ! I'd rather ride a bicycle a-down the thoroughfare Than be a ruler of the realm who really wouldn't dare. T'd rather spoon with Mary Jane, whoever might be near, ‘Than be a glittering potentate and live in gossip’s fear. I'd rather go to Coney isle and mingle with the crowd Than be so fine that such a thing would scarcely be allowed. ‘Then let the martyrs go their way with lives on duty bent ; “Tis better to be hoi polloi than to be president ! PHILANDER JOHNSON. THE TRIALS OF LABOR. his do be a tough year for the workin’ man.” Maguire—* How's that?” Casey—" Hickey wint to the library fer a book on the rights of nove NOM, at the messenger-boys have got to be quicker, look out for this patent hop and they gev him something called * Tarriers Burned Away. THE DARKEY AND THE CHEESE. NE day an old darkey walked into one of the small grocery stores of a southern town, and spying a number of boxes of axle-grease arranged upon a shelf, he called up the clerk and said, “Boss, how much yo’ ax fer one ob dem cheeses ?” 1 can have one for a dime.” Darkey —"Yo'll fling in de crackers; won't Clerk—" Oh, yes." The old darkey took them and walked into the rear of the store, seated himself on a goods box, and began to wade into the contents of the box. When he had choked down about half of it he gathered up his remaining crackers and started to leave the store, but was accosted by the clerk with the follow- ing query: BROTHERLY CONDUCT. ‘ Clerk—" Well ar , Sue—" Why, Mr. Propose, you are not very gentlemanly !"” inn ely oldman how aasyou Ike: Your iiz—“ Oh, you said you could only be a sister to me, so T thought T would act in a brotherly manner.” . | comicbooks.com |