Judge — August 22, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

POOK PLEASURE. Jinxs—'* Dall place ; nothing going on.”* JeNks—" The deuce there ain't! Our board-bill is going on.” Mortimer—* Wait! And a small scar on his left cheek. He got it ing polo once; fell off his pony.” Imogene (blushing)—" Don't be such a goose!" Mortimer— Ve lives at number four west Steenth street. Labors with his paternal relative in the stock-exchange, has an uncle in standard oil. Mother and sisters are in Europe. Invited him to go with them, but he told them he thought he'd wait and go on his wedding-trip; told them "— Jmogene (scarlet and incoherent) —* Let go "— Mortimer—" Can't; I'm using it, These are all straight facts, you know. It's infallible. His name begins with M. Wears a black overcoat and brown derby usually, and an emerald scarf-pin, given him as a philopena- present by a certain young lady "—— Tmogene— Mortimer Kennedy !” Mortimer—* Wich he values above all his earthly possessions because she gave it to him, That's an exact description of your future husband. Ob, I'm interested in palmistry. It's a remarkable science. Let me take your other hand and I'll tell you when the wedding (possesses himself of her other hand and her waist as well) will take place. Why, it’s only a few months ahead! Upon my word!" Imogene (feebly and tremulously)—" You naughty, naughty boy !" BADIA A. OFFER, PAKTING ADVICE Faxaen Havnick (sofemnty) an’ may th good Lord be with ye. Don't let yer good clos spile ye. We ez discreet ez ye kin, an’ try not ter bring home more ‘n one wife with y ‘month, remember, an’ there hain’t but two spare rooms in th’ house, ye kno morning.” them." a great sigh, SHE WAS NOT SURE. o seyou are Mrs. Hampack, I believe?” said the canvasser for books as he stood at the door of a Chicago house. “I don't know.” replied the woman addressed. “I haven't heard from the divorce-court yet this 417 A FLAT-DWELLER’S WISH, 44] WISH,” said Flatley, who had been to the circus and was tired; “I wish these build- ings could be trained to lie down while we entered He glanced at the sixteenth story and heaved \ Beg jWante? f° | PSN . Ephriam, ye're goin’ ter a fash’nable summer resort fer two weeks’ vacation, Be ez wise ez a sarpint an’ harmless ez a dove, fer yer brother Jake ‘s goin’ down nex’ MKS. SKINTABLE’S % Jinxs—"* She won't get any if she leaves that cat outside." MISTAKE, SCIENCE AND RELIGION. MSS LILY, a young lady of five, was recently visiting friends. Many of the rooms of the house were ornamented with embroidered mottoes framed and hung on the walls, She asked what one of them was. “ That,” answered her ho Sod bless our home.’ Lily looked puzzled, so her entertainer inquired, “Don't you have them at your house?” “Oh, no,” w: ~ we have lightning-rods. HUMIDITY. THE hot. perspiring days are here, Distressing old and young ; And pompadours now lose their pomp, And bangs will not stay bung. ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, Customer (in Boston restau- rant)—" Waiter, have you any fried eels? Waiter— We have eels, sir. and they are susceptible of being fried.” comicbooks.com