Judge — August 22, 1896 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A BALLADE OF EMPTY WORDS. HE author who's worshiped to-day, Who's flattered and fated and dined; Who wakes to find laurel and bay About his flat forehead entwined. ‘The one to whom fortune is kind, Who gets fabulous pay for his tosh, ‘The man of the hour, is, I find, ‘The one who slings ink with a slosh Though sages have something to say, Though poets in numbers have pined, ‘ Above them we hear the loud bray, f Of this man without morals or mind. [V) They all to their fates are resigned, *7, ‘Their high-flying hopes have gone > squash, They re mournfully lagging behind ‘The one who slings ink with a slosh. In volumes of wordy display — He's babbled and sputtered and whined ; He's ranged his red rot in array, His work ostentatiously signed. From all places known to mankind, From Kalamazoo and Oshkosh, He comes, like a blustering wind, The one who slings ink with a slosh. ENVOI Oh, Justice, I'm sure you are blind, ‘Or you never would stand it, b’gosh! To sce in fame's temple enshrined ‘The one who slings ink with a slosh, CAMOLYN WHLLS, as far as dat blood back mos’ four miles.” ALL HE KNEW. $+ /M[R-GILLEY., what do you know about the Chinese feast of lanterns?” asked Miss Kittish. “Tam not very well informed about the Chinese feast of lanterns, Miss Kittish,” replied the young man, “but I should infer from the name that it is one at which light refreshments exclusively are served.” OUT OF THE QUESTION. “I hear that you are building a new house?” Tomdth — 1 couldn't very well build an old one, you know.” FOOLISH MEN. (Twas only a man! * You'd be just as foolish as men are — go and marry some idiotic woman, I'll bet a dollar.” PLYMOUTH-ROCK BLOOD. Miss SNOFLAIK® — "' Speakin’ ob Plymouth rock an’ de Mayflower, Mistah Jackson, kin yo" trace youah blood back Mr. Jackson —** No—not so far as dat— but de night I got shot stealin’ Plymouth-rock chickens I could trace mah FROM JUDGE’S DICTIONARY. Reason — A power of the mind by which we arrive at the desired conclusion, Responsibility —That moral sense which prompts papa to whale Johnnie when he has so far distorted the truth as to tell Mr. Dunner that “ papa says he isn’t in.” Brilliancy—An overstrained mental condition observed in precocious children, and in men in the first stages of paresis. Tolerance—A disposition to allow other people to attend to their own business—characteristic of persons with weak minds. Foresight—The faculty of being around when something is going to happen. Success— A combination of luck, pluck, brains, energy and persever- ance, judiciously operated with just a sufficient admixture of unscrupulous- ness to insure the best of the bargain ; just enough unction of tongue and manner to captivate the victim into believing that he is fortunate in being worsted by such an ex- quisite gentleman ; and a con- science which can be quieted by the promise of a loug perspective of churches and hospitals, when the goal of wealth is reached. Flowery Fin: Mus FArmer—"* W Frowery. Firips— eldest son. Lady, T will mention you in my will.” have you to leave?” De finest lunch-route in York state —to me ‘Your name will be mentioned in it as a gilt-edged security " comicbooks.com