Judge — August 22, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Annan. 1. M. Guncory, mano Gitam iter. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE One copy, one year. of s2 numoers - $3.0 One covy One copy. for thirteen weeks «= Inciiding the Cwuistmas Juoce. FORBIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt Jo ries in the postal union, $0.00 a year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr Burtptne), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. i News Con, Breamis Building. Chancery Lane, E Germany: Tae International N ty Ch. B. Alioth, Geneva, Switarriand DORARK.” 2 at Saar- anstrasie (97 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS —The conten fnght in both the United States and Great Britain. promptly and vigorously prosecuted. of Juoue are protected by copy- Infringement of this coovright will be VEN THE LIGH' They imme- diately went ont. S bolted the nomination of Watson, WHat IF the silverites should steal the sound-money con- vention too? THE WOMEN POPULISTS wear no whiskers, but they ex- pect to yet a few by resolution. THE POPULISTS apparently thought Arthur Sewall was put up merely as a horrible example. T IS HIGH TIME that the more pronounced lunatics got out of their strait-jackets and held their national convention. HOW Od ic is that Coxey and his army didn't organize them- selves into a national convention and sweep the country. ++ ARE WE a clubable people?” asks the Philadelphia Bu‘- detin, Some of the policemen of this town think we are. HE MEN of the St. Louis con- vention took off most of their clothes, Itis gratifying to know that the women kept most of theirs on. A DIFFEL given charge of HEAVEN HELP this country when the government i: If there is chaos in politics now there will railroad and telegraph. be pandemonium then. A WOMAN BURGLAR in Chicago not only steals valuables but car- ries off watch-dogs. Presently she will capture the safe and carry off the inmates of the establishment. This is going too far. THE PERSON who announces his intention to live a hundred years must be very young. In the first place he can’t; and in the next place if he is worth that amount of life he wouldn't if he could. THE WOBBLING of Whitney and Hill and the other sound-money Democrats is pathetic. They are homeless orphans. ‘They don’t want to stay and they don’t know where to go. It is not the big Indians who are lost, of course; but the wigwam is gone, A WRITER in a Boston paper declares that Sunday-morning beans are heavy and unattractive.” This is treachery in the very home of epicurean orthodoxy. And, shades of the pilgrim papas! the writer adds that there are better baked beans than the baked beans of Boston. It is chaos to the extent of populism. GAN—"* Did yez tell Houlihan Oi wuz an A. P. A.?" Macainnis (suavely)—"" Be aisy, Kerrigan. A WILLIE-BOY. R. WATSON of Georgia is a babbler and tattler. He is the char who reported that certain congressmen were not strictly temperate. No matter how untrue it was, the accused men suffered from it and it was mean. HELPS TO MATRIMONY. N ATCHISON GIRL asks for a Kansas law that shall make a certain number of calls on a lady equivalent to an offer of marriage. There is a look of coercion in this suggestion; and on the other hand it would be awkward to oblige a girl to bar her doors against an unwelcome appli- cant for her hand, especially if he got in through the window. THE NATION’S HONOR. HIS GOVERNMENT has pretty nearly “gone broke”; but it doesn’t propose to force its creditors to compromise for fifty cents on the dollar. Credit is worth something, and national honor forbids repudiation large and small, There is wealth enough here; and the man who sneaks in business matters is a scoundrel to the extent of his feeble ability. A WOMAN'S RIGHT. THE PROPOSITION for a law exempting women murderers from exe- cution is indorsed by Mrs. Lillie Devereaux Blake because women, not being permitted to vote, are classed with idiots and minors and should therefore have the same exemption that they have. That ix pretty good law and logic; but on the other hand it must be remembered that a man killed by a woman jis just as dead as if he had been shuffled by some- body of his own sex. THAT ABSURD COM- PROMISE, THE PLAN of some distracted sound- money Democrats to support the ticket and ignore the platform is a proposition to build a house without a foundation of either stone or land. It is bread without flour and shad without bones. One might argue that singing could be done without a mouth or a bron- chial tube; but a ticket without a platform is more absurd yet. If Bryan might be elected it is not necessary to say that he would oc- cupy the platform no matter who ignored it. TWO FUNERALS. THE MAN, eighty years old, who attended his own funeral in Portsmouth, Ohio, the other day, and listened to the funeral sermon. and occasionally applauded it, is not an exceptional person, after all. The same thing occurred at Chicago, and everybody knows it. The only material difference was, the Chicago gathering made a great fuss, quarreled, shed tears and had hysterics, whereas the Portsmouth man behaved himself like a decent, respectable corpse and sang himself out of sight along with the officiating choir. A GIGANTIC MONOPOLY, NO SYSTEM of government ever in force has satisied populists. People of that kind have cursed governments from the beginning of them, along with the more pronounced anarchists and socialists, Yet those representatives at St. Louis proposed to give this government control of the railroad and telegraph lines of the country, an authority so tre- mendous altogether that it would control half the vote of the country by the natural action of its own force. as this political monopoly would be? A POLITICAL MENAGERIE. ATLESS AND COATLESS MEN, wild, whiskered and woolly, were numerous in the late St. Louis convention, They stood on their chairs, not to say their heads. They had fist fights and * whooped it up” at frequent intervals, and rejoiced to be known as cyclones and red-headed roosters. A woman in red, white and blue called herself Colum \ T VARIET It woz an A, P. E. Oi sid Was there ever a monopoly so great and sang songs, and a man dressed principally in the flag acted as Uncle Sam. ‘They talked communism and denounced men who happened to be rich. After all, has the question of government by the people been satisfactorily answered ? . | comicbooks.com