Judge — August 15, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage A GOOD INVESTMENT. CAP'VE been telling my wife that we ought to get a cow.” said Mr. Lawnmo, “You see, there's plenty of pasture-land, and | could easily have a shed put up. My wife could learn to make cheese and butter. It would really be amusement. And imagine the advantage of having all the milk we could possibly use. It costs us nearly two dollars a week now for milk for the children. We'd save the price of the animal in no tire,” “T quite understand your feeling,” replied Mr. Nexhouse, “IV had a cow when we first came here—a splendid creature. I paid ninety dollars for her, and built a pretty stable at two hundred dollars and had a German to take care of her at sixteen dollars a about him.” | sort about the lapels of his coat.” THEY WOULD. Mrs. Woodbie Wise— “1 don't like Alma-Ta- dema’s pictures. His wo- men have too long legs.” Wise—" They'd look funny with three, wouldn't they 2” WHY THE MAN IS DUMB. S the silent man. He sits alone, with closed lips and a vacuous stare, while the other young people around him chatter gayly, tell stories, and make merry gen- erally . Is he stupid? No; he is not stupid. He was graduated from Yale five years ago at the head of his class, began to practice law, entered politics, and is now one of the younger leaders of his party. A few weeks ago he delivered a speech at a political gathering and set the state talking about his eloquence. Why, then, is he silent when every girl and every young man present is talking as fast as he or she can? Simply because he does not ride a bicycle and cannot, for the life of him, think of an appropriate word to inject into a conversation of which the following are fragments : “That century run was great.” “The Hudson-county boulevard beats the park. It is all macadamized down to Bergen point.” “ What's the gear of your machine “I like a low gear; it is easier to keep the wheel going.” “Yes; but it requires a more rapid foot-movement." “I got some oil on my tire, and I'm afraid I'll have to get a new one. That's two for me in a month.” “Su- sie’s tire was torn by her brake.” “I think the Long- island roads are better than the Jersey roads.” “Anyhow, they don’t arrest people on Long island ju:t to get the fines to pay county expenses.” “What do.you think of Ag- gie’s new bloomers? Aren't they horrid?" “ Did you kear how Alice's tire was punct- ured and how she had to "— ete,, etc., ete, But why does the silent man go into such company if he cannot take part in the conversation ? Because there is no oth- er kind of company for him nowadays. Bicycling has come to be the standard topic of conversation in all gather- ings of young people, and he who cannot talk bicycle must settle down to the réle of a THERE ARE OTHERS. Jit Jackson—"'Am yo" goin’ toe vote fo’ gold er silvah, be?” Auk Harpcase—" Dunno, Ji no, I vote fo’ two dollahs an’ take whadeber dey han's m clam. w. L. RIORDON, T IS only when the devil Ww. turns over a penny that it becomes a pound. A PITCHER FULL OP BEER. month, Well, sir, she yielded fifteen quarts of milk a day—the very first week. We actually had to give it away to the neighbors.” “ And the second week?” asked Mr. Lawamo interestedly. “The second week she died,” said Mr. Nexhouse. MARK OF DISTINCTION. &eTHAT must be a very distinguished man,” said Kilduff to Snooper, ‘The latter looked at the person indicated and replied, “I see no mark of distinction “Look again and you will see that there is no campaign button or emblem of any LES—"* Dere’s one awfully funny t'ing ‘bout dese bathers.” WILLIE—" Wot's dat ?” WaccLes— "* Nobody makes ‘em git in de water, an’ dey has de same sort of aversion to it dat you an’ me has, Willie,” at. 8 BRIDGES, BO a A VALUABLE ACQUIREMENT. Faraer Greene—* Did yer son learn much at th’ agricult- ural college 7" FARMER BrowN—" Lord gosh! yes. Th’ college. yell he learnt thar is th’ best thing fer scarin’ crows I ever seen,” comicbooks.com