Judge — August 15, 1896 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOING BACK ON HIS WORD, Mas, JustweD (in sears)—"* Oh, you untruthful thing ! you—before we were married you said you loved me better than you did your life, and now you refuse to eat my angel-cake that I cooked purposely for you. THE WIDOW O'’TROUT. [7'S_th foine illegant toime Oi hod wid me visit t’ ireland afther O'Throut’s deat’, Divil a bit or sup c'u'd Oi pay for in all th’ county Shligo. ‘Twas only be thrickery Oi c'u’d boy a thing in th’ shops av Blynn; pretindin’ Oi was wantin’ thim for somebody ilse abltygither; an’ as for th’ prisints Oi tuk over wid me, fait’, Oi brought back in me box foive toimes their bulk an’ proice ! : Me own family bein’ a most respictable one, livin’ on th’ eshtate av Lord Wathers, an’ his lordship bein’ absint attindin’ a bill trough th’ house av cummins, her ladyship was plazed t' invoite me t' luncheon along wid hersilf an’ Father Bart‘olomew, his riverince bein’ a cousin av me mother’s, al- though not acknowledged be th’ church, An’ it's th’ spacious house they hov at Watherford, an’ full up wid th’ remains av owld dacincy, although shloightly in nade av rapairs; wid th’ dhrawin’-room all picked out in whoite an’ goold, an’ Oi'm bound t° say wid more candle- shticks than candles. Well knowin’ thot th’ fish on th’ table was a prisint from me brother y, an’ thot me mother’s hins laid ivery egg, an’ me father sint th’ vigitables, an’ me sister Daylia thot same mornin’ had patted th’ curds, whin her ladyship at luncheon axed me what w'u'd Oi hoy, says Oit’ her ladyship, says Oi, “Oi see ye've a very foine dish av cabbage an’ bacon, Lady Wathers, an’ if ye don’t moind i'll take a plate av thot same.” So Oi'd a very chiice, but a very shmall helpin’ av th’ cab- bage an’ bacon, but divil a boite av it wint inty me mout’, t'rough me plate bein’ whipped fren be: fore me be th’ shpalpane waitin’ at table in a powthered wig an’ red-velvet shmalls. “Oi thank you,” says Oi, wid th’ McFagin an’ th’ hunger bot’ roisin’ widin me, “Oi think Oi'll hov another shmall bit av cabbage an’ bacon.” Be jabers! whin Oi got it Oi'd th’ same exparience wid it. Thin me blud was up. ‘Axin’ yer ladyship’s pardon an’ his riverince’s for dishturbin’ yer conversation,” says Oi, "Oi'd loike t' take another luk at a dish av thot cabbage an’ bacon!” Thin, whin her ladyship made great shpade t* hov me served wid thot same, Oi turned t’ th’ waither an’ says Oi, “ Young man!" says Oi (layin’ down me fork, but retainin’ me knoife in me hand), “if you venture t’ interfare again wid me dish av cabbage an’ bacon, be th’ powers above, Oi'll place th’ lingth av this knoife in yer iusoides!” MADELINE ORV. CONTAGIOUS. [F YOU'RE in love with the telephone-girl For your safety you should leave her, Or when you kiss her on the lips You may catch the hello” fever Whin her ladyship, who was much intherested in talkin’ wid Father Bart’olomew about th’ icuminical council, noticed Oi was not atin she says tome, says she, “What will you be helped to now, Mishtress O’Throut ?” Son (inguiringly)—"* Insane?” Fatnex —" Va-as, takin’ any chances with ‘im !" Son —'* What did you take off your boots for, pap?” FatHER—"’ Ter sneak up back soft so thet insane beau of Marildy’s wouldn't hear me.” Jestas I wuz ‘bout ter rush in an’ fire him I heard him tell Marildy he hed a * wheel,’ an’ I wan't comicbooks.com