Judge — August 15, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ammano GILLAM, W. J. Amana 1. M. Ganconv, Editor. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONITRD STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen weeks = = 1.35 a Inclading the Cunistmas Junge. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt foreign countries im the postal union, $0.00. ye THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BurLpinc). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. than any other American satiri- Quarrenty are all for sale at Brentane's, Ainslce & (o.,35 Newcastle itreet, Strand, London: reams Building. Chancery Lane, E. Cx London: at Sa mal ¢ International News Co., Stephanstrasse &. Alioth, Geneva, Switeerland. bach's News Exchange, Me 18, Laipsic, Germany, and by Cable address" Jovan 27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Jupcs are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be Promptly and vigorously prosecuted. WE ARE ALL William-E.-Russell men to-day. WE THINK that J. Sloat Fassett may be mentioned as the boy orator of the Platt, too, eee AROLD SEWALL is right. Duty doesn’t require a son to go toa lunatic-asylum because his papa has gone wild, 6% THE MR. MATCHETT who is running for president on a socialist-labor ticket is believed to be unlike the locofoco article. es MAUD AND CHARLES got half a mill- ion in wedding presents; yet there are those who hold that it is cheaper to live singly. eee [T 1S SUPERFLUOUS to say that Thomas B. Reed will not retire to private life. There are several millions of Republicans who won't let him. ME: BRYAN never drank a drop of liquor, never used tobacco, and never ut- tered an oath; and yet he wants Democrats to vote for him. . THE PEOPLE of the Ork- ney islands are as pleased at the discovery of a mermaid as if they had had a popo- Bs cratic convention and found a new man, SUPPORT THE TICKET and ignore the platform,” is the advice of some puzzled Democrats. It is as easy as to swallow the black- berry, omitting the seeds, WE HAVE yet to hear of a populist giving away a fortune that had been earned by or given him; yet if he keeps it he is, in his own opinion, guilty of a crime. THERE IS CHAOS in politics this year; but behind the trouble is safety, for, however they may be divided in principle, the people are united as to the right to vote, RS. I = went to the populist convention largely for the purpose of saying that she was going out of politics, It was as characteris tic as the average woman's “no.” . SOME PEOPLE, thinks the Albany Argus, will vote for Bryan because he has the courage of his convictions. That sounds like a compli- ment; but that’s the way some men get to be leaders of gangs of horse- thieves, ABIGAIL BUSH of California, who presided over the first woman-suf- frage convention, is eighty-six years old. We have observed a tend- eney on the part of the suffrage women to punish the longest possible amount of time. APPROPRIATE PLA‘ “I know where we ought to hold our bicycle convention.” Where?” “Wheeling, West Virginia.” THE LADY AND THE ANGEL, WE BEG to suggest to Mrs. Fleming, who talks of elevating the stage, that she is not sufficiently advertised, It is true that she was tried for murder, but alas! the crime was not proved, and again there are per- sons who think her innocent. And besides, it takes about a hundred thousand dollars to build an actress out of a stick, not to mention the necessary assault and battery. THE RIGHT TO WEEP. [T DOES NO HARM for the people of the south to erect monuments to Jefferson Davis and other confederates. Those works of art are reminders of their defeat as well as of their leadership; and the question of the right to secede has been settled forever. If the southern people want to vex their souls by continual reminders of their saddest history it is a luxury of grief to which the north cannot reasonably object. A PLAINTIVE GROWL, PROBABLY if the Republicans had invited Mr. Hill and Mr. Whitney to confer with them those gentlemen would have been reminded of the spider and the fly; but as the invitation was not promptly extended they feel hurt and cry out that they and their party have been misused. The sensitiveness and tenderness of those gentlemen are marked and pain- ful. They want to blame somebody for being kicked out of their own con- vention, and they don’t know exactly how to get at it. THE SEAT OF EM- PIRE. F THE WHITE-HOUSE isn’t chained down the western evolutionists who call themselves Democrats are likely to steal it. They want the seat of empire where they can control it, and their jealousy of the east is attend- ed with an apparent desire to destroy if they cannot control Fd and humiliate. Let us hope ; that they will kindly refrain for a time from the too vig- orous methods of the rebels who tried to move the seat of empire to Richmond thirty years ago. THE BIG LITTLE POP. OPULISTS are free- thinkers. They are also free-fighters, and there is no populist who agrees entirely with any other. There is only one way to satisfy a populist, and that is to let him go off and be a party all alone by himself. He is the mug- wumpiest of all the mug- wumps, and his regard for his own opinion caps the climax of all egotism. We have quite enough parties with a half-dozen votes apiece, but they are all too large for this profound thinker and chronic sufferer from all manner of pang. THE WHY OF IT. FTER MUCH THOUGHT and many weeks of talk in favor of sound money, the Democratic Rochester Herald put up the names of Bryan and Sewall; not, it said, because of admiration of their financial theories, but in order to encourage free trade and hurt McKinley. We hear of another Democratic journal that hoisted the names because it was a dry season and the last was a hard winter; and we are somehow reminded of Bill Nye’s story of the landlord who charged Mr. Nye a dollar for an old sandwich. “Fact is, b’gosh!” said the landlord, “I need the money.” DOGS OUT OF THE MANGER. ATRED OF THE BICYCLE is envy backed by malice, The tack- throwers and the man of Islip who dug a hole in his sidewalk are vicious brutes who ought to be taken across the knee and spanked. In some portions of the west the agriculturists keep dogs for the purpose of vexing and mutilating the riders of wheels, and they deserve to be flogged three times a day. Such persons are not able to ride, themselves, and it gives them suffering to see others enjoy themselves. It is doubtful if the Almighty had anything to do with their creation; they must have jess growed. : i comicbooks.com