Judge — August 1, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHANGED HIS MIND, Bronco Pere, (seeing Lhe in custody) SWIPSEY AND THE LEGITIMATE, SOME miscalculation of fate Swipsey had proffered a quarter for a seat in the gallery on“ Hamlet " night. Mickey, the friend of his heart, was by his side. Swipsey was an observer—something of a philosopher in an un- philosophical way—and his remarks on the decorations were marvels of original criticism. After exchanging con- fidences relative to the number of stars between this pillar and that, counting the bald heads and comparing notes in the interest of statistical science, they fell to discussing de play.” “Who wus dis Hamlet, Swipsey ?” “He wus a butcher wat lived in Harlem, He wus a beaut at makin’ hams an’ dey cald ‘im Hamlet “We orter git a pare 0° oppreys, Swipsey. It’s de caper, y’ know. ; wase de use? W'y dun’t y" be ‘conomicle ? Wat y'd pay fer de oppreys ‘d buy six hots afferde show.” During the ghost-scene Mickey inquired if it was a real ghost. “ Naw; oney a spurtalism!"” Just then a step was heard in the rear of the gallery, “I thought you swore you'd never be taken alive, Tke ?* vinctionat' . ALKALI Ike (sheepishly) —"* Wa-al, so I did, pard ; but I swore it on de New Woman's bible, yer Naw, y’ chump; de mug wid de orkestry stick see, an’ dat gives a feller de feminine privilege uv changin’ his mind, yer know.” too substantial to be other than flesh and blood. Voices were heard in earnest appeal to the peripa- tetic. Patient for a time, he at length retorted in a pronounced African brogue, “Whase de mattah yo’ folks? G: gone gib mah two bits t’ gaet in yere!” This logic pleased Swipsey and he proclaimed “De blokie 's rite, if he is a shiner,” ed is cap and quoted Davy Crockett, “Be sure yer rite an’ den do ez y’ likes!” At that solemn moment the friends are adjured to swear, Swipsey informed his neighbors, “I knows a fellah w'at ‘d sware ‘im back t' ell kwickern nit.” Some one requested him to be still.“ Dun’t ‘avter. I cums here fer fun, an’ if I has more fun guffin’ dan lis’nen’, dat’s me cue. See?” Mickey, afflicted by an honest desire to know whether everything were real, was also haunted by the suspicion that some one was to be stabbed and that the denouement was due any minute. In the grand climax the behavior of Gertrude mystified him. “Ts she tuk wid a fit?” ess 1 done doped her gruel.” LEAP-YEAR. Sue (during the round of sight-secing)—""1 have been delighted with that grand organ, the beautifully-painted windows and deliciously-carved seats, and now I should like you to take me to the altar.” As Hamlet, in the frenzy of his madness, creates havoc on all sides and kills the king, Swipsey slapped Mickey on the shoulder and triumphantly cried, “ Dun't I tell yer he wus a butcher !” And Swipsey bought “de hots.” EDWARD CLAYTON SAVAGE. A PREFERENCE, Unc: Hoxseneans (who has struck a snag on his return from choir~ practice)—"" By gosh! L hope ‘twill only be ther old fiddle’s neck thet gits broke.” comicbooks.com ,