Judge, 1896-05-02 · page 6 of 16
Judge — May 2, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous sketches typical of Judge's satirical style: **"Found at Last"** mocks the era's "servant problem"—the difficulty wealthy households faced hiring domestic help. The joke satirizes employers' unrealistic expectations. **"A Delicate Inquiry"** plays on Victorian courtship anxieties, with a woman questioning her suitor's past dishonesty before accepting his love declaration. **"Papa's Comforting Advice"** uses absurdist humor: a father tells his freezing family to "keep cool" while their house burns—impractical wisdom presented deadpan. **"Well Named"** makes a pun about furniture movers as "iconoclasts" (breakers of idols/household goods). **"The Quest"** is a mock-heroic poem about a knight searching castles for a lady, only to find them unsuitable due to rats, ghosts, and weather—deflating romantic adventure. **"No Time to Lose"** satirizes municipal bureaucracy: renaming streets to "avenues" increases property taxes, prompting the character to pay quickly before further name changes occur. The page reflects turn-of-century American middle-class anxieties: domestic service issues, courtship etiquette, and government inefficiency.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
7 FOUND AT Last. A model servant-girl. besides they board.” ICATE INQUIRY. “Darling, I have never loved before. Cou swear it!" Eriet—" T know that, have you lied about it before?" PAPA’S COMFORTING ADVICE. HE house was burning. It was a bitterly-cold night. The family, scantily clothed, were shiveringly watching the destruction of their home, Papa, with a horse-blanket about him, looked pityingly at the little group. “ K-k-keep c-c-cool, ch-ch-children,” he said. WELL NAMED. very furniture-mover is an iconoclast.” ys—" How do you figure that ?” wys—' Because every spring he breaks your house- hold gods.” 1 ge ; but how many times Waggs— NO TIME TO LOSE. Mrs, Howson Lott—*The tax-collector left a bill this morning. They have changed the name of the road in front from a street to an avenue and doubled the tax-rate.” Howson Lott— By Jove! V'll pay that bill at once, before they make another change and call it a boulevard.” * THE new bicycle-hall is just lovely,” said little Ethel. “ They have bicycles to rent, and And sallied forth on his lady's quest The rats in the castle were driving them out And she thought it well to be looking about The knight he rode full many a mile (Ho for the knight and the weary steed '); Then he sat him down by a rustic stile Many a castle, in and out We had searched and prodded and poked Then ihey stayed where they were and bought about— them a trap, (Heigho ! it was all in vain.) And the rats moved out on the first of May. FORCE OF HABIT, ALFALFA At. (in supreme ditgust)—"* Waar, of all ther measly, absent-minded jack-rabbits of Texas I'm ther beat! Lynch me ef L hain‘t bin spurrin’ my bike-tire.”” THE IE good knight set his lance in rest— (Ho for the knight of sitver tongue !) take bicycles to QUEST. One their tapestries wouldn't fit (Mo for the wondrous tapestry '), And one had a ghost which haunted it (Ieigho ! for the spooks gone by). One was swept by winds of the air (Ilo for the boisterous, ramping breeze '), And one had shelter enough and to spare (Heigho ! for the dripping trees). (Heigho ! for the world was young). (Ho for the castle old and gray !), (Heigho ! for the first of May). So home again from his bootless quest (Ilo for the eye that looked askance '), ‘The tired knight told at his dame’s behest Heigho! his fruitless dance. ‘They discussed each castle as it might hap (Ho for the rats that drove them away !), (Heigho! for a cup of mead). (Ho for the persevering swain '), FLORENCE R. PRATT. ANOTHER GOOD WAY. STRANGER (entering editorial room of the Squasville Universe)—“' Say, boss, I'm 2 New York newspaper man, I am, an’ if you'll len’ me a dime I'll tell ye how ter increase yer circulation.” Epitor (producing the coin)—"* How 2" STRANGER—"* Kun a hundred yards in ten seconds.” comicbooks.com