Judge — April 25, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mr. Jackson (the Blackville catcher) heem. Var's hees heel-mark ‘way back yer Mr. JOUNSON (the base-runner)—"* Scoah dat run, empiah. THE SHAD SEASON. +4 [T'S like eating a boil- ed paper of nee- dles,” growled the gour- met, picking from his tongue an invisible shad- bone. “ We're going to have all that remedied before next year," blandly ree sponded the restaurateur. “ How?” “By crossing the breed with jelly-fish, sir.” A LOST CHANCE, ONE of the devotees of society, seeing the engagement of a society belle in one of the daily papers, said, “If I had known she was going to throw herself away I'd have offered myself.” La wr ath AN UNANSWERABLE ARGUME WHERE THEY SHERIFF OF TomBstoNE (to Cholly Tender foot, who is inhaling a feller; wot you wanter do is ter take Horace Greeley's advice an’ go west desperate characters in dis village. Yer liable ter debase de kids, an’ yer've got ter go.” Call dat man out, empiah, fo" not techin’ dat plate whain T tagged THE “COMING WOMAN.” LITTLE truant, unaware Of studious ways and things distressing, Who loves the free and open air And doubts if school is such a blessing, Is seen in street and field to stray From one vain purpose to another, will i 2D>\\\\|| Oblivious of the wasted day And the tired patience of his mother. At night, when through the door he peers, There comes a greeting wholly human ; For through a slipper and his tears Descends on him the ** coming woman,” yout naxtow. THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL ’S BACK. Wife (three a.m.)—" John Henry, you're drunk !” John Henry—"N-no (hic), my dear; I'm only ti(hic)red. Wez my slippers?” Wife (in disgust)—“ Over there be- side the fire-place, where they have been since six o'clock last evening.” John Henry (after wandering around for half an hour)—"'Scuse me (hic), my Look at de dength ob dat foot frum de heel!" dear, Wez the fire-place ?” HIS HOLLOW SUB- TERFUGE. #*(COME here, Johnny; I must teach you your letters. Do you sec that round letter? That is o; and that letter with a dot over it is i.” Johnny gaped and looked in the opposite di- tection and said, “ Let's play something else.” A VICTIM OF HABIT. Elder Berry—"1 be- lieve I told you Joblots used to be a school- teacher?” Dr. Thirdly —" Yes. What of it?” Elder Berry—" Exet since he got into the church he has been urging We hain't got no use fer a change of text-books.”” DREW THE LINE, WORKING HIS WAY. A CABMAN rang Dittenhoeffer's door-bell repeatedly at three a. m., until a head finally appeared at an up-stairs window and asked, “What you want, down there ?” Cabby—"This where Dittenhoeffer lives?” Head at window Cabby —* Much obliged. They'sa feller two doors above Dit- tenhoeffer's as wants to make a T IS risky to praise a woman's husband to her, and still more risky to disparage him. MAKING THE BEST OF IT. While that sudden April shower completely drench- ed Herr Poom-Poom his little son Otto was equal to the emergency. comicbooks.com !